Surprise! Live Blog!

There’s 1:34 left in the third quarter.

Originally, I had a plan to live blog the Eagles-Patriots game this evening. I figured that live blogs are at their funniest when the writer is at their absolute bitterest, so when the battered Green and White went to Foxboro, there’d be plenty of material. No one wants to read about how awesome your team is. This is why Bill Simmons has become unreadable as of late. With the Celtics atop the NBA, the Patriots being hailed as the best team of all life, and the Red Sox as your current World Champion baseball team, life is good for a fan. But when your columns are reduced how the refs sucked in a game you won over the Colts, maybe it’s time for a break.

End of the third quarter.

I was incredibly excited to watch Philly tonight. You know why? NO EXPECTATIONS WHATSOEVER. The Eagles have been a team of heartbreak and heart attacks this season. Every single game has come down to the waning minutes of the final quarter, win or lose. Every team they’ve played have been about as good as they are on paper – meaning no blowouts for better or for worse. My nerves can’t take this. I can’t hold Clara whilst watching a game – I don’t want her to grow up thinking I’m a psycho that yells at the colorful people on the moving picture box in the corner. So with the Patriots on the sched, all I had to do was sit back and watch the impending gridiron carnage.

Yeah, they’re going to lose this game. That’s been pre-ordained since God blessed Tom Brady’s parents with a son. Every analyst out there has spent nights trying to come up with a new way to verbally adore New England. The line at gametime was 24 points! Oh, and our franchise quarterback is sitting in his Delaware Valley house watching the game on television. Just keep it close, guys. Just keep it close.

12:02 left in the fourth quarter.

Hell, for the first half-hour I wasn’t even glued to the game. We were watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Why? Because on my Sunday nights I like to get in my weekly cry. But when commercials roll, I switch to the Foxboro telecast. You know, just in time to see backup quarterback A.J. Feeley giftwrap a pick-six for Asante Samuel. 7-0, Patriots, and Tom Brady hasn’t even been on the field. Nice work, A.J. But then they get the ball back and tie it up on an efficient drive. Sure, Brady gets a chance to make the lead seven once again. However, the Eagles are playing aggressively and keeping pace. 15 minutes have gone by, and the blowout is still being kept in the shed. Reid calls for a surprise onside kick, and it freakin’ works. (Of course, if Feeley had worn cleats tonight, maybe it wouldn’t have been for naught.

9:37 left in the fourth quarter.

Go to hell, Jabar Gaffney. Seriously. Yes, you had a nice TD catch right before the half, but do you really have the resume to pull out the taunting-flap-the-wings thing towards the Philly sideline? For those unfamiliar with Gaffney, he was cut last season by the Eagles during training camp. He was a complete failure, couldn’t learn the playbook, and rookies like Hank Baskett and Jason Avant blew by him on the depth chart. Yes, you latched on to the Pats and just scored a nice TD. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t suck when the Eagles cut you loose.

7:20 left in the fourth quarter.

So now I’m lying here on the floor with my eyes glued to a game I whose outcome I was not planning on sweating in the least. I’m live blogging a game that should have been won by 24 points…or more. And yet, the Eagles are down 3 and about to get the ball and they have a shot to shut up every analyst in the country at once. Granted, they’re losing and there’s not much time left, but it is still a possibility. You know, this is one of the reasons I’ve gotten so jaded with ESPN. A couple of years ago, the Leinart-Bush USC Trojans were obliterating everyone on their schedule, and they had a date in the National Championship Rose Bowl against Texas. Since it’s been eons between the end of the season and the major bowl season, Sports Center had to find a way to fill the time. So what did they do? They put USC in a fictional bracket against the all-time great college football teams and had their analysts – even the respectable ones – debate their way through a hypothetical playoff system. USC was eventually crowned the winner of this stupid exercise…

…only to lose to Vince Young and Texas the next day.

4:53 left in the fourth quarter.

And now, A.J. Feeley is marching the Eagles down the damn field. The nerves are back. If I wasn’t type to you all, I’d be pacing back and forth in this otherwise quiet apartment. I’d be knocking back Yuenglings. I’d be laughing maniacally with every time Reid calls Westbrook’s number on a screen.

Interception. Of course.

3:33 left in the fourth quarter.

The play of the game, as Al Michaels has put it, has come on a 3rd and 1. It’s true. Let’s actually live-blog it. YES! It appears that Matt Light was so excited about the notion of a live blog that he false started. It’s 3rd and 6. This doesn’t change much, but it helps. My heart has slowed to 190 beats per minute. And of course, it’s a first down to Jabar Freakin’ Gaffney.

2 minute warning.

So if this game ends in the loss column, as it appears it will, the Eagles go to 5-6. But you have to be optimistic about the rest of the way. 5 games left – Seattle, the Giants, and Buffalo at home, Dallas and New Orleans on the road. All winnable games. And we can at least count on the one thing – the NFC sucks.

31 seconds left.

Westbrook’s going to return this punt. For a touchdown. Blindfolded.

Or he could fumble that. 19 seconds left. I hope that laminated playcalling sheets have a play called “The Play that Wins the Game.” I would recommend running that play.

Interception again. Oh well.What did we learn tonight, boys and girls?

1. The Patriots are beatable.
2. Al Michaels wears a girly scarf.

Locker Room of Brotherly Love '07

By this time Monday, we will have added 6 new athletes to a storied brotherhood that includes Mike Schmidt, Bobby Clarke, Reggie White, and Julius Erving. Not everyone has the thick skin to play in Philadelphia (Mr. Drew, we’re looking in your general direction. Wusspants.), but for those who do, we greet you with blind faith and love from the Delaware Valley Blind, championship-starved faith.

And hey, who doesn’t like a recurring feature?

Every Friday before the NFL Draft, we will annually publish the TOP TEN PHILLY ATHLETES. This is not a list to mark one’s potential or their past, nor will it show favoritism to any one team. To make the list, you need to 1) be good at what you do for a living (damn good, actually) and 2) play for one of the four major pro teams in Philadelphia at the time of posting.

(For the members of the Philadelphia Soul, KiXX, Wings, Phantoms, and Barrage, we’re sorry. Oh, and while your reading this, you’ve accumulated quite the angry queue of customers waiting for their copies. Kinkos – proud sponsor of athletes who need to pay the rent.)

I figure by publishing this list (much like my Oscar predictions), we’ll have a public record to see how Philly’s best rise and fall, appear and disappear over the years. Some will fade due to trades and retirement (Forsberg?), while others just have turned up the suck in the last year (paging a Mr. Gordon. A Mr. Thomas Gordon…)

Locker Room of Brotherly Love, 2007

1. BRYAN WESTBROOK - #36 - RB - EAGLES -- Credentials: The keystone of a resurgent '06 Eagles offense, rushing for 1,217 yards, making 77 catches for 699 receiving yards, and 11 touchdowns. Made many, many fantasy owners very happy. Fact I Didn't Make Up: He owns a vacation home in Ocean City, New Jersey. Fact I May Have Made Up: While in Ocean City, he challenges small children in Mini-Golf. Small children are no match for Brian Westbrook, whose career it is to find the holes.

2. RYAN HOWARD - #6 - 1B - PHILLIES -- Credentials: 2005 Rookie of the Year. 2006 NL MVP. His 58 home runs in 2006, earning Player of the Month honors during the Phillies' charge towards the playoffs in August and September. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Shares a name with a character on NBC's "The Office." Fact I May Have Made Up: Michael Scott is a better manager than Charlie Manuel

3. SHAWN ANDREWS - #73 - RG - EAGLES -- Credentials: Was a starting guard in the Pro Bowl for the NFC. The fist 1st round draft pick to live up to his billing since Lito Sheppard in 2002. "The Big Kid," as his team knows him, got hurt against the Saints in the playoffs, and his replacement was guilty of the soul-crushing false start on the final drive. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Andrews was born on Christmas Day, 1982. Fact I May Have Made Up: At 340 lbs., he often spends his birthday challenging Santa to an cookie eating contest.

4. CHASE UTLEY - #26 - 2B - PHILLIES - Hardest working player in Philly sports. Normally that's a term you give someone who tries hard but isn't very good (I was featured in a BCTimes article with that praise from my track coach), but Utley backs it up. Batted .309 in 2006 and was an All-Star. The ladies find him dreamier than Pay Burrell. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Uses Zeppelin's "Kasmir" as his coming-to-the-plate music. Fact I May Have Made up: That's only because the stadium DJ didn't have Journey.

5. DONOVAN MCNABB - #5 - QB - EAGLES -- Credentials: Despite a season-ending injury in October, McNabb is still the leader of this team. Dropping to 5th is a result of this off-year. But hey, he still eats his Chunky Soup. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Attended Syarcuse University, where his go-to target was WR Marvin Harrison. Fact I May Have Made Up: He's 100 per cent Irish.

6. SIMON GAGNE #12 - LW/C - FLYERS -- Credentials: Has over 200 career goals in 5 seasons, eclipsed the 40 goal mark in the second-to-last game of the season. Voted MVP of the Flyers, earning the Bobby Clarke Trophy for the second straight year. Fact I Didn't Make Up: I own a Gagne #12 jersey. Fact I May Have Made Up: Is terrified of spiders and shrieks like a little girl when he sees one.

7. JIMMY ROLLINS - #11 - SS - PHILLIES -- Credentials: Three-time MLB all-star, has the longest hitting streak in Phils' history (38 games), and currently is 2nd in the league in home runs. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Rollins originally wore #6, but that switched to #11 to allow rookie Ryan Howard to wear #6. Fact I May Have Made Up: It's because Howard threatened to eat him.

8. ANDRE IGUODALA - #9 - G/F - 76ERS -- Credentials: Led team in '06-'07 with 18.4 ppg, led team once Allen Iverson was traded to Denver. Highly-athletic and talented player, looks to be cornerstone of next Sixers' team. Also averages 6 rebounds and assists per game. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Chris Webber bought him a Rolex so that he would switch from #4 to #9 upon Webber's arrival. Fact I May Have Made Up: Has an extreme longing for cake.

9. MIKE KNUBLE - #22 - RW - FLYERS -- Credentials: On the worst team in Flyers' history, one of two players to maintain a positive plus/minus rating. Scored 54 points on the season in 64 games, including 30 assists. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Competed for Team USA in the Torino Olympics. Fact I May Have Made Up: In ice dancing.

10. BRIAN DAWKINS - #20 - FS - EAGLES -- Credentials: Dawk is the emotional leader of this team, and earned a Pro Bowl invite this past year for his locker room presence and his big play ability. Said pbig plays include a Week 15 INT of Eli Manning, a Week 16 INT of Tony Romo, and a 4th and Goal sack of Jason Campbell - a game in which I was in attendance. Fact I Didn't Make Up: Dawkins is a huge fan of the Wolverine comics, often assuming the nickname "Weapon X." Fact I May Have Made Up: His facemask is made of adamantium.