3 Rites of Bachelordom

Hello? Anybody here?

Of course, I knew the answer to that question. Since the women of my household were driven by yours truly to Dulles International Airport at the crack of dawn Saturday, there better well be no one in my house answering back to my rhetorical query. You see, as parents, we are aiming to instill our child with very important lessons that will help her grow and develop. You know, things like colors, shapes, numbers, going on spring break –

Yeah. You heard me.

So while Katie and Clara are livin’ la vida Pensacola for the next few days, I’m alone in the townhouse for the first time, well, ever. And while it’s big and empty, I need to make the most of it and do the 3 things that I’ve always wanted to do in our new residence and have yet to have the opportunity.

1. Take a nap.

You see, we set aside some money in our new house budget to partially outfit the place with some select pieces of new furniture. Now ever since I graduated GW, Katie had always said that she’s like to get me a comfortable chair. And after much deliberation, I found a leather recliner that worked perfectly. It came the day before Clara’s birthday – a day I spent painting the stairwell in both fast and furious ways. In fact, at day’s end, I informed Katie that I’m taking the next 11 minutes to “sit in my chair.” And while much sitting has happened, I had yet to take a nap on purpose in my vaunted throne du Chris. Sure, there have been plenty of “Condonaps” – those which go unplanned in every way. But never had I lied down with full intention of taking the next 40 minutes to an hour to rest. Well guess what? After a early gym session on the way back from Dulles, I grabbed a blanket and did exactly that. OBJECTIVE COMPLETE.

2. Take a bath.

Another nice feature about our place is the larger-than-expected master bath. In addition to having a double sink and a shower stall, it’s got a large bath tub. Now, I’m not exactly a tub guy – showers serve their function nicely, thank you very much. But perhaps I favor the shower just because I haven’t crossed paths with a appropriately-sized one since I was 9. But this tub is large, and there’s more than enough room to just lie back and relax. Now I’m not advocating the bubble bath – what with all the scented candles and such – but I am advocating the water nap. Endorsed by my own daughter who fell asleep the first time we took her in a swimming pool, the motion of water is enough to cure an insomniac. And since attempting such an endeavor in an ocean or deep end often ends with, well, drowning, a bath would be a perfect opportunity. OBJECTIVE COMPLETE.

Despite my disclaimer, Nordberg I’m sure will call me out as a woman for the last one. To counter that effect, I submit the third thing:

3. Watch Band of Brothers

Short of hanging drywall, I can think of no more manly activity than watching a mini-series about World War II. Since I’ve never had HBO, I miss out on great events such as this, and with Tom Hanks’ new John Adams feature out, it reminded me of my interest in seeing Band of Brothers. Now I am only halfway through, but it’s been absolutely fantastic so far. Even though I know how it ends (America wins, Nazis lose), I can’t wait to polish off the last five episodes.

Otherwise, I’m just going to have to imagine wartime dialogue whilst watching Baby Einstein.