Didn't See That Coming

After an enjoyable trip to the Great White…err…Mid-Atlantic, we’re back and settled in our new home. Granted, there is still plenty to accomplish, as the list to get the place ready for living seems to grow longer by the day.

Case in point: have you ever tried to install a baby gate? No, I’m not talking about the old wooden ones that your parents put between you and the Super Fun Washing Machine when you were a kid. Baby Gates of the Future (read: Now) have advanced with such technologies so that we adults can thwart the determined minds of infants for years to come. The one that I just put near our main landing screws into the wall in six places, requires two NSA-grade keys and a special launch code just to open. Did I mention the motion sensors? Yeah, there are motion sensors. It took me three hours to install.

Like I said, you rush to get all these things done, even though you have eons of time to get them done. We’re signed up (technically) for 30 years. That’s a procrastinator’s dream! Of course, if I’m living in this house and I’m 57, something went horribly wrong. You know, like I sold the place but couldn’t leave.

Stupid baby gate.

No, you rush to get the place into a fine working order because you’re PROUD of what you’ve just done. This is a place you can call your own, and you want your friends to come over and be proud of what you’ve just done. And if friends are going to come over, you want things to look nice. Get those boxes unpacked, furniture put together, cobwebs de-cluttered, and throw open the door. Visitors are welcome.

Human visitors, that is.

Because of the holidays, we didn’t anticipate having anyone stay with us until we got back from New Jersacuse. There was just too much going on in those final days of Advent to provide room at the Inn. With all the painting and moving out, we didn’t even have much time to celebrate Christmas. Figuring that there would be plenty of merriment and decoration up I-95, we decided to forgo putting up a tree. There are two reasons for this. 1.) Clara won’t remember it anyway. 2.) Bright blue edging tape makes for terrible garland strands.

But a wreath? A wreath we can do.

So while running some errands a few weekends before the Big Day, we bought a wreath. It’s a Target wreath, and it looks nice on our door. There. Now our neighbors know that we are here to stay and we anxiously await the coming of the Christ Child. That’s multi-tasking people.

One of the topics I will get to later this week comes into play here. Even though we now own a townhouse with a two-car garage, the garage part has been lightly used. Because the previous owner failed to turn in garage door openers, most of our daily parking takes place in the driveway. Therefore, our point of entry is all-too-often the front door, as opposed to the one in the garage. Yeah, there are stairs, but I can deal. Plus, I get to look at our new Target wreath with each trip home. ‘Tis the season, indeed.

In fact, I remember one evening’s entrance in particular. It was December 22nd, and we were returning home from two Christmas parties. As Katie worked to get a sleeping Clara out of her car seat, I played the role of Anticipatory Father and bounded up the stairs to unlock the door. After all, the quicker we get Clara in the house, the less of a chance she wakes up and insists on catching Letterman. As I fumbled with the lock, I remember thinking that it would have been a damn good idea to have left the external light on. That would have made getting in smoothly so much easier. As ten seconds pass and I’m still trying to get the key to work. I hear a slight rustling to my near right. Geez, I thought. Katie sure was fast freeing the baby from the car-

Just then, a small black bird ROCKETS out of the Target wreath, nearly killing me of shock whilst clipping my ear.

Like I said, human visitors are welcome.