I suppose that the amount you spend at the supermarket is probably contingent on the frequency of your visits. I suppose you could make it your New Year’s Resolution to only shop for groceries on New Year’s Day, but you’ll have to resign yourself to eating non-perishable goods after about those first two weeks. Say good bye to salads and fresh meat there, buddy. While you’re at it, can you close those shades? It seems that the sunlight is starting to fade your lawn chair’s fabric in your nuclear bunker.
You could also do it like the olden days and go to the market every day. This would cut down on your storage costs – sell your fridge on eBay, why not? – and allow you to eat exactly what you crave every night. Of course, there’s a problem with living yesterday. You see, markets have become supermarkets, due to their one-stop shopping nature, massive selection, and reliance on you, the consumer, to pick up more than a milk, bread, and meat with each visit. Why would you turn down an opportunity to be super? Clark Kent didn’t have ordinary pajamas because he knew that there would never be a situation where he’d prefer them to his super suit. You should adapt business innovation and live in the now. (Although the good people at Wegman’s frown on cape-wearing in their stores. They get caught in the cart wheels easily.)
Our family’s happy medium between the two above extremes ranges from 7-10 days. Therefore, the amount we spend stays fairly consistent. Granted, our household contains a third mouth, and while her taste in food is limited, it by no means excuses her diet from making up a part of each grocery bill. She’s 7 months old at the time of this post, so we’re still a few months off from assigning her chores and giving her an allowance she can use to purchase her own groceries. After all, if we asked her to dust the cabinets, she’d probably just end up with a mouthful of feathers. Child labor laws, apparently, protect cleaning supplies just as much as they do children.
What was I saying?
As I patrol the aisles on my Wegman’s trips, mp3 player-in-ear, I have two goals in mind. The first is to finish as fast as humanly possible without forgetting a single item that I was sent to retrieve. Having the personal shuffle in-ear helps dramatically for one’s shopping speed, although it’s as if my mp3 player knows when I’m the supermarket – it queues up the same few songs. One such song is Breathe, by Fabolous. When that one comes on, it almost gives my meandering through the produce section street cred. Nothing says hip-hop tough like cucumber evaluation.
The second goal is to not go over $100 with the final tally of the bill.
I know that this goal is often not applicable, based on length between visits and amount of groceries required, but it has become the benchmark nonetheless. I’m not one of those who tallies the damage in their head, mid-shop. Fabolous won’t let me – he hates math in the middle of his joints. Instead, the moment of truth has to wait until the point where I’ve got my take spread out in front of me, conveyor-belt style. Now assuming that I bought between 25-30 items, the average price per item needs to stay between 3 and 4 dollars. Otherwise, the terrorists have already won.
Beep!
Cucumber-lettuce-tomato-apples-banana…$9.38…
That’s the nice thing about fruits and vegetables. Our economy actually rewards you for eating healthy.
Boop!
Granola Bars-string cheese-hot dogs-bread-jell-O-cereal…$32.91…
As you start to see a good amount of items off the belt and into the bag, this is when the tension ratchets up a notch. It just might be possible that for once, you’re going to make it! Huzzah!
Beep!
Cold cuts-ham-turkey-cheese…$54.50
Ok, wow. That one hurt. Apparently having a store employee wrap a grocery in a tiny plastic bag increases its value threefold. Next time I go, I’m bringing my old baseball cards.
Boop!
Assorted 10 other unnamed groceries at an average price of $4…$94.33
One to go! And I’ve got over 5 dollars left before the finish line! Sweet! This is finally going to happen! That’s right, people. I don’t have to buy generic cereal or Gogurt to hit my mark. Just one final swipe of this straggling item and we’re home free!
Beep!
Baby formula…$118.04
Damn.