Cinematic Confession

Depending on your abilities to scroll, you may or may not have noticed some recent sidebar alterations that the YAB technicians were up all night working on. Karen Yelito has been added to the Old School bullpen, as her frequent tales of middle school idiocy will if nothing else have you thanking God that you are no longer required to roam 6th-8th grade hallways. We’re also considering a list of blogs from famous people that I read from time to time, but until I come up with just the right cadre, we’re going to phone it in on that one. This is just further motivation for those currently linked to become famous as soon as you possibly can.

But the real bell and/or whistle you can now see in the sidebar comes courtesy of Chris Smith’s brainchild “The Film Critic.” It is at this site that I’ve rated and reviewed around 370 movies, and was really my first opportunity on the ‘net to bring the funny. As evidence, I submit to you my review for that Ashley Judd/Hugh Jackman train wreck “Someone Like You.”

I saw this on a plane. I hoped it would crash.

Well, Smith has been busy making TFC blog-friendly. And his efforts will not go unseen. He has created a module that will list the last five movies I have seen, my rating of each (out of 5 stars), and when I watched said flicks. I figured this would be an excellent way to pass on my thoughts on reviewing movies without having to actually write movie reviews. Bonus.

So, yeah, while Smitty had developed this technology weeks ago, I had been hesitant to put it on YAB for one reason only – I am completely cognizant of the last 5 movies I’ve watched. The movies one sees can be a reflection of character. If I went to a blog and saw a quintet of Rob Schneider vehicles, I’d run from my computer screaming. Putting one’s recent cinematic cache out there for all to see is, as a movie fan, the equivalent of leaving your pile of newly-laundered boxer shorts out in the living room when company is over. No secrets here. And since this week is extremely busy, I’ve bit the proverbial bullet and added this feature. Which reveals to the world the skeleton in my closet:

I’ve seen First Daughter.

I was hoping to align this new feature’s addition after I had watched a slew of Die Hard or Rocky movies or something, but sure enough, there’s that bland Katie Holmes movie sitting there at number 4.

Yeah, you know the one – the girl from Dawson’s Creek is the President’s daughter, she goes to college, hilarity ensues. It wasn’t terrible, but it’s the kind of movie a guy feels compelled to hang some drywall and watch some rugby afterwards. But yes, I’ve seen it, and now you all know that. Bright red heart-covered boxers right on top of the laundry pile.* But before you start pointing and laughing, let me explain.

Fantasy Football cause men to act in weird ways.

Flashback to the date in question: 9/3/05. It was a Saturday night in New Jersey, as Katie and I had driven up to see the fam for the first time since the wedding. The weekend was largely commitment-free, as we were able to relax for a few days away from work and school. When I say largely commitment-free, I mean the only actual event was the Condon Family Fantasy Football League draft. Said league is a collection of Syracuse’s finest, all huddling around computers for one night of the year to pick their imaginary gridiron squads. My dad and I were not going to miss this for the world. However, since neither my mom or Katie were remotely interested in sitting around while we trying and predict whether or not T.J. Houshmandzadeh is going to have a breakout year for Cincy, they devised a contingency plan.

1. Go shopping.
2. Complete control over what to watch that evening.

The things I’ll do for fantasy sports.

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*For the record, I own no such boxers.