One of my daily habits in to get my fix on entertainment news from the bastion of credibility known as the Internet Movie Database. Every morning, the right hand side of their homepage lists the latest in Celebrity News. At about 2pm, the second section, devoted to Studio News, will also be updated. It’s mainly stories that simply come off the AP or Reuters wires, and in the grand scheme of things, is of miniscule importance.
Credibility is not why you should tune in on a daily basis – they’re the San Diego Padres of the newsroom. I swear they told me once that Mel Gibson was looking to do a movie about John the Baptist and his adorable talking dog, St.Bernard. They also like to break incendiary headlines citing sources like the Fort Wayne Telegraph Standard or Cat Fancy Magazine. But they get the stories mostly right, and apparently that’s enough for me to spend 45 seconds of my morning.
Maybe if someone creates a new blog, it will take the place of IMDB on my morning rundown. Or maybe Joe Brescia could update his. That would work too.
Well, a number of stories interested me on IMDB this morning, which is what has prompted this post. Some are noteworthy, others are magnets for incurring my ire. Quick-fire style.
“Cage is a Dad Again” – 41 year-old Mr. Intensity’s third wife gave birth to young Kal-El on Monday. His wife Alice (who at 21 could actually be his child from an earlier marriage) is totally aware that her child’s initials are KC, and will make sure to cut up her food so that she doesn’t choke in the second half of dinner. It appears Cage has learned the correct way to have a baby after all.
“Anderson Victorious in Restraining Order Bid” – This is standard IMDB news fodder. I’d bet my Flyers jersey that you can tune in on any day and read at least one stalker or aggressive paparazzi story where they’ll quote someone like Scarlett Johnsson about how hard it is to be famous. This is where I remind her she was in Home Alone 3.
“Hilton: I’m Not Willing to Give Up My Career for Marriage.” - Well, at least she isn’t going to ruin marriage for the rest of us. Dude, you were going to marry a guy with the same name as you! That's a bad sign. You don't see Morgan Freeman and Morgan Fairchild together, do you? I would love to see this freakshow sign up for eHarmony now. We could find out once and for all if she knows how to read. (By the way, IMDB lists her career as future roles in movies playing the romantic lead opposite Jason Mewes. Wow.)
“Smith Reportedly Quits Fletch Film” – I haven’t confirmed this yet, and this may be our IMDB-patented prototype Retraction candidate come tomorrow’s edition, but it looks like Smith has given up on resurrecting Fletch. I totally understand him holding out for Jason Lee. But Smith may not be the best fit for this project. He loves the books, and would do them justice, but when the studio is so focused on making sure Chevy Chase does a cameo, maybe we’re missing the point completely. Sorry Kev, you’re making a Clerks sequel. And I hate the title.
“Reid Slams Unfair US Press” – So Tara Reid wants to be taken seriously as an actress. Ok, then let’s forget about yelling at the press and create some credibility on your resume. Also, it’s not good when your best friend is named “Bar.” It’s not like you were shafted for an Oscar nod in American Pie 2. This is about people putting blame in the wrong place. Like how the Yankees are chastising the Texas Rangers because they didn’t try to beat the Angels, and now the Yanks are opening their series with Anaheim on the road. (Maybe you should have just beated the Sox on Sunday, and things would have worked out.) Man, I need to get a towel. Spilled milk everywhere!
Oh, and the quiz below is still out there…
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