Puck Everlasting

While it seems I have a host of other topics to get to this week, it would be a disservice to our readers if YAB neglected to kick off the return of professional ice hockey with a devoted post. During the entire existence of this blog, there has not been a single NHL game played. The first two months was acceptable – it was the offseason. But the following nine were puck-free thanks to a messy disagreement between those who own and those who skate, and a lockout ensued. But in this time, YAB has managed to mentioned the “Coolest Sport on Earth” in 32 different posts. That’s one in ten. So needless to say, we’re glad to see 30 NHL teams dropping the puck on a new season tonight.

Before you are able to know where the sport is going, you need to know where it’s been. And since we’ve been busy monitoring the lockout instead of, well, writing grad school papers, it appears that we’ve got our Cliffs Notes already prepared. To pass the time, YAB gave you our all-star movie hockey team. When the lockout was officially announced, we gave you a two-part employment solution for these poor players who were blindsided with free time. And we even took time to remind you all about what it means to be a sinister coach behind the bench. It’s not hard to write about topics of which you have a passion for.

(So why haven’t I written a column about Wawa? Weird.)

Well like I said, 15 games are on the agenda tonight, and with rules changes that have been implemented to increase scoring. Goalies have been inhibited vastly, as they can now be charged with a 2-minute penalty if they try to handle the puck in the corner. In addition, their pads now have stricter size maximums. Finally, their enlarged goalie stick will now be replaced with a Swiffer.

In addition, the red line, that which crosses center ice will no longer serve as a method to slow down the breakaway aspect of the game. This will create longer passes to faster guys who can sneak around the peripheral vision of defensemen and beat the goalie with a twisted wrister, to his Swiffer side. And finally, the NHL has implemented a overtime shootout system that will do away with ties. That’s a good thing; half of the players have no idea how to even put together a clean double Windsor knot.

I don’t know what else to say other than if you liked hockey in the past, then love the fact that it’s back in a framework that will encourage more competition, more action, and Joe Brescia to cry when his fantasy hockey team crumbles at the hands of Karen Yelito this week. For those who have yet to become fans, there’s no time like the present, and in the present, it looks like everyone but the Rangers, Blues, Capitals, and Hurricanes have a season of opportunity to look forward to.

I’ll leave you with an odd hockey-related story. The other day, Katie and I were making a late-night Wegmans run after work. I had already changed into “casual slacker” attire, wearing a long-sleeve t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. Such an ensemble is incomplete without a baseball cap. I grabbed my Flyers hat and met Katie in her car.

After grabbing a cart and starting our tour of the Yankee Stadium of grocery stores, I passed a guy wearing a black t-shirt, jeans, and a Redskins hat. He noticed the Flyers hat. This is not a big concern, rivalry wise. In the combined 105+ year history of the two franchises, they have never played each other. The Redskins guy tipped his hat and passed us by. But after 3-4 seconds, now 8 yards away from us, he turns back and as an act of solidarity, yells “Kjell Samuelsson!” and waits to see my reaction. I spin around to see him taking an air-slapshot with an imaginary stick.

Kjell (pronounced shell) Samuelsson was a big doofy Nordic defenseman for the Flyers in the early 90’s. He now is an assistant coach for their AHL franchise, the Phantoms. And apparently, this is all that Redskins guy can remember about ice hockey. I'm flattered. I think.

May the puck drop soon. Please.