Always the Bridemonkey, Never the Bride

Back in October of 2004, I wrote a post in 6 minutes and resigned myself to be happy with whatever ended up on my computer screen. My improvised ramble of a post touched on the topic of bringing the funny while under pressure. In it, I talked about “default funny ideas,” topics and things that are guaranteed laughs. And from watching the Super Bowl ads, it became clear to me that the high-powered advertising agencies, when lacking an innovative idea (like cat herding or Terry Tate) stick to their default funny ideas. Monkeys are at the top of this list.

You’re a Blog exists to bring the funny. And since monkeys are well-regarded as the funniest animals on the planet, you would think I would have stuck to my default, at least once, and did a monkey centric post? You would, wouldn’t you?

To test this theory I did some research.

Of the 388 daily posts to date, the word monkey has shown up in 28 of them (29 if you count today) That’s a noble 7 per cent, I suppose. But it seems that talking about real-live monkeys with real-live funny problems was never one of the 28. Always in passing…let me show you with the magic of copy and paste.

1. We mentioned monkey chow in an SAT question.
2. We grilled Smith on all his DVDs featuring monkeys.
3. We claimed a monkey with a cold was part of Quality Control Team.
4. We claimed we’d employ typewriter monkeys in 2006.
5. We shuddered that it was as cold outside as a monkey in a snowstorm.
6. We called the French “cheese-eating surrender monkeys.”
7. We talked about Guaddy, the One Accord monkey. He is not a real monkey.
8. We mentioned in passing the disease “monkey feet.”
9. We bribed Harford’s helper monkey into leaking his national anthem.
10. We suggested DC Metro System should have monkey conductors.
11. We referred to gas station attendants as “pumpmonkeys.” That was harsh.
12. A Sonic Deathmonkey reference for our Movie Band Live 8
13. We claimed pro ballplayers all have monkey butlers.
14. We thought monkeypirates might be a good ‘Zine topic.
15. We used the word monkeywrench.
16. We used the word monkeywrench again.
17. A report about monkeys would be a fixture on YABNewsradio.
18. Hey, the CareerBuilder monkey ad made the ’05 Commies.
19. Mr. T called T.O. a jivemonkey in the toaster debate.
20. Typewriter monkeys would be hired if Microsoft bought YAB.
21. Some rant about an omelette-making monkey in our lobby.
22. On CIA agents, I made up a last name for one: Monkeystrummer.
23. Not just pro ballplayers get them; I wanted a monkeybutler, too.
24. Angry monkeys attacked children in India. ANGRY, not funny.
25. We said the Anaheim Angels have the Curse of the Rally Monkey.
26. The aforementioned default funny idea.
27. We decided that monkey terrorists would suck.
28. Yes, the Wicked Witch had flying monkeys.

Two conclusions to draw out of this little exercise.

Monkeys are apparently fit to fill any occupation and do their jobs to the point of hilarity.

YAB sorely needs a funny monkey story.

Stay tuned tomorrow: Day of the Monkey.