The Beer Man Cometh

During normal business hours, any customer at any moment could walk into any retail or restaurant establishment and expect efficient and professional service. And in order to maintain a successful business the shopkeeper of that establishment must be ready to put his best foot forward to provide the customer service that will get this phantom shopper to make a repeat visit. Customers can’t be bothered with “behind the scenes” stuff. It’s for the shopkeeper to figure out how to make the magic happen. Shelves must be stealthily restocked. Storefronts must be magically kept clean. And new inventory must be delivered with covert precision, so not to disturb the customer.

They get spooked easily, you know.

But since every store on the planet can’t be run by the wizards at Walt Disney (no doubt the pioneers in behind the scenes magic, not to mention getting elephants wasted,) everyday shopkeepers must find a way to make it happen seamlessly. Enter the early morning supply delivery.

Every morning as I drive up through downtown Vienna (or is it down through uptown?), I see at least thirty different supply delivery trucks in the parking lots of strip malls, saving the day in the name of commerce. Most of them make complete sense. These long, sleek 18-wheelers wait patiently to be unloaded, allowing McDonald’s to have hamburger meat, Safeway to sell loaves of bread, and even California Tanning to have, um, pillows for the tanning beds? (Never quite understood why tanning salons use such a big freakin’ truck.)

But who can forget the beer man? The jewel of the supply truck fleet, yesterday I saw a beautiful black Budweiser truck in front of the Chain Bridge Plaza set of shops, gleaming in the sun. As impressive as it is on the outside, inside lay rack upon rack of ice-packed bottles of Budweiser products. (Coors Light seems to have abandoned delivery trucks for other methods)

However, this isn’t that easy of an equation. For the record, the four shops in the Chain Bridge Plaza are as follows:

1) Duron Paints
2) Creative Edges Framing and Prints
3) Rosemary’s Floral Shop
4) Subway

So…which one of these stores require beer?

DURON PAINTS? Look, I know that beer is known to come in many different colors from Mich-Ultra to Guinness, but are any of them hues you want on your walls? In addition, the coolest part about a paint store is the color mixer that shakes up and dispenses beautiful concoctions of color and texture. Wouldn’t this apparatus be better suited for martinis, not beer?

CREATIVE EDGES? I really have no idea why a store that professionally frames your pictures would require or sell alcohol, but I’ll take this opportunity to rant on said establishments. Why is framing so damn expensive? It’s not like I’m asking them to go out back and cut down a tree of my choice to put some wood edging around my map of St. Lucia. Their frames require a few measurements and a swift swipe with the circular saw. Ok, there’s the glass, too. But how is that more than $350? Ridiculous. I’m ticked – no beer for them.

FLORAL SHOP? One place beer is definitely not needed is at a florist’s. You pay money to them because of convenience and the fact they have talent you do not. You don’t need them drunk. Face it, it’s Valentine’s Day, and you can’t afford giving your wife a far-from-sober bouquet that contains roses, lilies, a pair of scissors, an old glove, and pages from the Washington Post.

SUBWAY? Drink Fresh.