Sacre Bleu!

I can’t believe what I am about to type.

With the 2006 FIFA World Cup wrapping up this weekend, now is a good time to review our final match and let the Royal Leadership-I mean, that is- the Loyal Readership know who YAB would be pulling for in Berlin three days from now. You’ll be surprised as we are. Trust me.

When 32 teams arrived in Germany some 28 days and 62 matches ago, our allegiance was clear. The United States was bringing a team loaded with depth and determination, and despite a Group of Death designation, I was part of Uncle Sam’s Army. The Americans lost to the Czechs, tied the Italians, lost to mighty Ghana.

Yes, mighty Ghana.

At the end of the group stage, 16 of the 32 teams advanced, and from Group E, it would be Italy and mighty Ghana. At this point, rooting for the U.S. to win it all even though they had been eliminated seemed like a foolish thing to do, so I scoured the new bracket to find a horse to back. So I based by decision on playing style and confidence and decided to pick a global power. Not a global superpower (i.e. Brazil or Argentina), but a team with a strong chance. Like Russell Crowe in Gladiator, I went Spaniard.

First round result: France 3, Spain 1.

Ok, so much for that. At that point, I looked at the field of 8. I could care less about who wins Italy v. Ukraine, since one dives more than Greg Louganis, and the other by definition is “weak.” Germany and Argentina would be a good match, but I’m not yet ready to root for the home team, otherwise analysts everywhere will put too much emphasis on that card (which is why S.Korea made it to the semis in ’02) France will be surrendering to ubermighty Brazil at any minute (I had to add the uber- prefix since they downed mighty Ghana.) Oh, but what about England? I have an England jersey from ’02, and while largely unimpressive in the group stage, I can totally relate to them. And hanging around Nordberg for the past few days, I feel like I know everything about the Three Lions squad. Alright, we’re in business. Gooooooo England!

Second round result: Portugal 1, England 0.

In penalty kicks, no less. Now while this blog could turn into why penalty kicks are not the way to end a game of soccer, let’s keep rolling and pick a team to root for in the Final Four. At this point, it’s ok to break some rules I made last paragraph. Since Italy and Portugal play a style that makes figure skaters seem Under Armour-tough, and France is well, France, looks like I’m now in the corner of the Germans. Who can blame me? They’re efficient, stoic, and the home of adidas.

Semifinal result: Italy 2, Germany 0.

Damn it. With Les Bleus finally getting rid of Cristiano Ronaldo (read: CRONALDO) and the other flying Portuguese Brothers, your 2006 World Cup Final will be held between Italy and France.

This game sounds like it will be as tough as getting a ticket to Euro-Disney.

But I plan to watch the biggest soccer game of the next four years this Sunday. And I’ll need a team to root for. Italy has been impressive, but they have too many players who give soccer a bad name. France, on the other hand, have some tremendous players like Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira who rival the Brazillians in the technical category of “eye-poppingness” and “dropjaw.” And their captain with the coolest name of the tournament (sorry, Fred), Zindine Zidanne, would go out like Elway with a second World Cup trophy in his trophy case. Yes, I’m rooting for (gasp) FRANCE. Forget the ridiculous accents. Never mind the fact that the French surrender when a taxicab backfires. Who cares if they’re so French they sit at expensive outdoor cafes and smoke berets? I can’t believe their soccer team is actually saving face for not being dive artists like so many other squads. Allez, Les Bleus!!!

(That said, YAB would like to congratulate Italy in winning the World Cup.)