Day Trading

Ok, expect this to be a big day. As promised this past Monday, you’ve been witnessing the Week of Blog. 11 posts in 5 days, with the final one marking the 500th time YAB has tried to bring you the funny. Assuming everything works, expect the big 5-0-0 at its regularly scheduled time of 1pm. And like Kasey Kasem, we’re back to the countdown.

In what was one of the most boring days in sports, ESPN pressed on with their hour-long Sports Center yesterday knowing the task at hand. Fill an hour of sports news programming with the only game on the docket being the mighty WNBA All-Star game. I know what you are thinking, and yes, the WNBA somehow is still around. I think that in 2008 whichever political party includes “Abolishing the WNBA” as part of their official election platform will win the White House. Nevermind Bush’s current track record or the Democrats not having a clear-cut candidate. You ban the WNBA, and you get my vote.

You see, with the NFL, NBA, and NHL in the off-season, and the baseball All-Star Game occurring the day before, it’s a rest/travel day on the diamond, thereby giving sports fans a reason to panic. You could see the fear in Sports Center anchors Neil Everett and Scott Van Pelt’s eyes. “We’re going to cover a WNBA game BEFORE the first commercial break, and then what?” While I didn’t stick around to see how it all played out. (Rumor has it they did the Budweiser Hot Seat with the cast of The Little Man. I will now set myself on fire.)

But I can probably guess what went on Sports Center that day: off-season trades.

YAB rarely (never) discusses NBA matters, but when Allen Iverson, Jacques’ freshman roommate at Georgetown* and scoring machine for the Philadelphia 76ers comes up in trade talks, it at least warrants a mention. When the NBA makes a trade, they do not mess around. Of all the major pro leagues, this is the one most likely to craft deals involving multiple teams and enough players that by the end, half your roster has been changed. When it’s over, it’s a fresh start.

Why can’t this work in Corporate America???

It’s a way to get rid of people who you’d like to fire and bring in new people without have to go through the pesky HR recruiting process. What’s that? Your department isn’t going to make its year-end projections or sales goals? Start talking with other department heads in your company and see if you can swap sales guys and an accountant to be named later. Just like the NBA, salaries are always the tricky part of swapping players, I mean employees. (Actually, we will henceforth use the term emplayees. And I’ll thank Word’s Spell Check to stop auto-changing that a into and o.) Maybe your costs are running high thanks to tenured, bloated salaries. Trade away a veteran for a couple of entry-level rookies. Sure, you’ll have to promote everybody so that your job still gets done, but promotions make people happy – it’s like getting new uniforms, right?

So while Allen Iverson may or may not be Boston bound for a shooting guard, a small forward and a 2007 first-round draft pick, just think about this method next time you’ve got to reprimand an underperforming network support specialist. Send him to the Cleveland office with an intern and a case of Starbucks, and maybe you’ll get that sorely-needed robot in return.

*Yeah, we can’t back this up. Just seeing if you’re paying attention.