The Renaissance Tool

In one of her maiden posts, Lacey Smith went on the record as saying “David Hasselhoff is a Tool.” Yeah, she capitalized Tool. She clearly means business. As most of you may know, the ‘hoff has found his way into your homes this summer as one of the judges on “America’s Got Talent.” It is of the opinion of this blog that in fact, America does not.

But the ‘hoff has teamed up with Regis nonetheless, and his mug has now found a way into your home, assuming you don’t have a cool Baywatch action figure on your mantle, or God forbid, one of DH’s pre-Knight Rider press photos (click at your own risk.) And while he may be trying a little too hard to be taken seriously, and as Lacey points out, may not know talent unless it hit him in his enormous head, David has put together a tremendous Waldo-like existence in recent months, and it’s worth chronicling here on YAB. David Hasselhoff isn’t just a Tool.

He’s a Renaissance Tool.

What has our main man been doing since Baywatch? Not much, really. Mostly making albums for his crazed German fan base, who are still waiting for him to remake the “I’ll Be Ready” theme song from his days as a lifeguard…

…which reminds me. Here’s a brief foray into Impossible Theater. I want you to hum the theme song to Airwolf. Got it? Ok, now do the same with the theme from Knight Rider. Great job! Alright, now do Airwolf again. Not so easy, eh? This is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do. Okay, now back to the ‘hoff.

His TV appearances have been sparse as the century turned, and other than a self-mocking cameo in the Spongebob movie, we’ve barely seen him. And don’t think he’s been at home raising his son Hobie, either. This man has gone underground, just waiting for the right time to take American pop culture by storm.

~POP~

In 2006, our Renaissance Tool has been busy. In the last 4 months alone, the ‘hoff has appeared not once, not twice, but four times on YAB’s radar screen. And that doesn’t even count www.dropitlikeitshoff.com.

1. America’s Got Talent – yeah, we already covered this. Put a check in the TV Box.
2. Click – Why do I feel like I’ve seen this movie already? In the most over-advertised movie since Nacho Libre, Sandler’s movie looks pretty funny, and with Beckensale and Walken on board, that’s a cast worth seeing. But yes, in those ever-present commercials, guess who is playing Sandler’s boss…Movie box – CHECK.
3. NBA Finals – Remember how I mentioned that the ‘hoff is HUGE in Germany? The man had so much influence when the Berlin Wall fell that current Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki sings “Looking for Freedom” to himself on the foul line – a ‘DH classic. It’s no Peter Cetera, but it’ll do. Sports? CHECK.
4. American Idol – Yeah, Taylor Hicks singing can be moving, but this moving? Wow, the ‘hoff can do it all. (Note: he cried, but I couldn’t find evidence at posting time.)