Carpooling with Pocket Aces

I am not much of a gambler, really. I once paid for my weekend at the Borgata for Smith’s Bachelor Party with a lucky turn at a slot machine. I’ve been known to buy a raffle ticket every now and then. And I like to think that if I ever bet the spread on football games I wouldn’t suck at it. But until I pull within less than 10 games of my wife in Dethrone the King, you won’t see me meeting a bookie anytime soon. However, just because I don’t ACTUALLY gamble doesn’t mean I’m a rookie when it comes to how gambling occurs. Look, I know the basic order of superior hands in Poker, when you should double down in Blackjack, and not to yell “Whee!” when watching the roulette ball bounce around the wheel. I’m not an embarrassment in casinos. Why do I know all of this?

I watch movies.

In the 1998 poker flick “Rounders,” one of the frequently discussed hands is Pocket Aces. The definition is simple. In a game of Texas Hold ‘Em, each player is dealt two cards. The rest of their hand is shared with all players at the table. The only advantage you have is if your hidden cards are better than your opponents’. And while it’s completely luck of the draw, you’ve got to use your strategic analysis in betting as your weapon to take the pot. Got it?

However, there’s a damn good chance you’re going to win if you’ve got two aces in your hidden hand, a.k.a. Pocket Aces. So if you’ve got ‘em, you better know damn well how to use them.

This morning was the first morning ever that Clara was to spend in a day care center as opposed to home with Grandma. Because the day care is set up through my company, I was responsible for making sure she made it to school on time. Not really knowing what to expect, I decided I was going to need any advantage I could get so that I could get to work on time and still have time to explain to the day care center all of Clara’s routine quirks. So I figured I’d do something I’ve never done on my way to work before.

I took the HOV-2 lane on Interstate 66E.

For those unfamiliar with the term, HOV stands for High Occupancy Vehicle, and during relevant times of the day, only cars with at least the designated number of people within can utilize this set-aside track. It’s supposed to be a reward for those who choose to save the environment and carpool to work. Well, after doing a headcount inside my Accord (ok, 1…2….ok, 2.), I decided that I fit within the parameters of the situation, even though one of the passengers is largely obscured to the outside world. I was holding Pocket Aces in the back seat.

Man, HOV rules. The cars, they move faster. The air conditioning, it blows cooler. The radio sounds crystal clear, and my windshield wiper fluid has an aroma of success. As I buzzed by thousands of lonely drivers, I checked my glove compartment, just to see if money would tumble out. And then it happened. Sirens and lights in my rearview. Awesome.

When you’re holding Pocket Aces, you need to BET BIG and call the other guy’s bluff. Of course, my friendly local Fairfax County police officer was out to call mine.

Him: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: I think it's because I'm in the HOV lane, but my daughter's in the car seat in the back.
Him: (looks in back) (annoyed) Ok, thank you. (leaves)

Deal me another hand, sir. I’m hot today.