Distractics - TV Edition

June 9, 2003.

I remember this day well. While it may have preceded YAB by a good 14 months, this day will live on in infamy. After being at my current place of work for almost six months, our department was re-located from the 5th to the 2nd floor in my building. We left on a Friday with our desks efficiently packed, the elves that we hire to do office moves came in on the weekend, and when we got in Monday, all was magically right in the business world, albeit 3 floors closer to the earth. As I sat down to enjoy my brand new cubicle, I flicked on my computer to begin commerce. And that’s when we learned that the network connection had yet to be re-established, leaving us off-line for the entire day.

I’ve been behind by a day ever since.

This past Friday, I realized for the first time in a long, long while, it was going to be a day of clock-watching. Since I had gotten used to being out of the office on Fridays to rent tuxedoes, I had grown so efficient on a 4-day work week that Friday was going to allow me a little recess. I looked at my phone sitting there, and I had an idea.

Nordberg!

Knowing I could count on him for distraction tactics – nay, distractics! – if I included geography in some form, I e-mailed him a challenge. I listed all 49 Awesome United States of America and Delaware, in alphabetical order in an e-mail. And via a back-and-forth e-mail exchange in which we take turns, our charge was to identify a television show that was based in each and every state. Sound easy? Sound hard? Don’t worry, we did the legwork for you, and our results are below.

I decided to start with a hallmark of television, granting Seinfeld bragging rights in New York. It was a solid selection, and a sitcom that warrants recognition. Nordberg agreed, and then responded with one for Connecticut. Of course, it was the Gilmore Girls. His stated reasoning: “I’m getting some hard ones out of the way early.” His actual reasoning: “It was the first one I saw in my purse.” That’s 2.

Ah, let’s move on to the Painfully Obvious types. These are shows that have their location in the name. And somehow we resisted not knocking out 17 states by merely listing all the CSI’s. Hawaii Five-O (HAWAII). Las Vegas (NEVADA). Eerie, Indiana (INDIANA). Roswell (NEW MEXICO). Dallas (TEXAS). Miami Vice (FLORIDA). Wow, that was great work. In other revelations, the sky is blue and rocks are heavy. That’s 8.

And then you have your iconic city TV shows. These are the ones that force people visiting that city to ask where they can find the house/office/bar in which it was set. No real surprises here. You’ve got Cheers (MASSACHUSETTS), Fraser (WASHINGTON), the Drew Carey Show (OHIO), The Wire (MARYLAND), and the Sopranos (NEW JERSEY). That’s 13.

What about shows that relied on local culture to advance the plot? These are shows that make you think of the location probably before you can name the secondary characters. Say hello to Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (COLORADO), Dukes of Hazzard (GEORGIA), the Andy Griffith Show (NORTH CAROLINA), Northern Exposure (ALASKA), The Waltons (VIRGINIA), Newhart (VERMONT), and Big Love (UTAH). That’s 20.

What about newer shows? Yeah, we’ve got them, too. And even if they don’t go down in history as great television, they’ve now officially served their purpose. Thanks for the memories K-Ville (LOUISIANA), Eureka (OREGON), Saving Grace (OKLAHOMA), Smallville (KANSAS), and Army Wives (SOUTH CAROLINA). Hooray, 25!

Then you’ve got your group of older shows that you remember being on over a decade ago. Nordberg and I often remembered the show well, but couldn’t exactly place where they were without a little research. Nevertheless, they make the list. Evening Shade (ARKANSAS), Perfect Strangers (ILLINOIS), Murder She Wrote (MAINE), the John Larroquette Show (MISSOURI), Coach (MINNESOTA), and Step by Step (WISCONSIN.) Speaking of which, there are more shows set in Wisconsin than really are necessary. We could have gone That 70’s Show, Picket Fences, Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley. Look, I can’t help Nordberg is a dork. That’s 31.

Hey, shows that Condon likes to watch! Give me The Office (PENNSYLVANIA), The Family Guy (RHODE ISLAND), and Saved by the Bell (CALIFORNIA). Go Bayside, beat Valley! 34!

Look, shows we never would have heard of if it weren’t for a last-gasp Wikipedia run! I give you the tv version of In the Heat of the Night (MISSISSIPPI) and Hawkins (WEST VIRGINIA). In Hawkins, Jimmy Stewart won a Golden Globe for being a lawyer and old, at the same time! 36 and counting.

Reality shows are fun if you’re in a bind. Nashville Star is as TENNESSEE as you can get, and that stupid MTV high school football show Two-a-Days makes Alabama seem interesting. 38, baby.

I pulled a gem with Hey, Dude for ARIZONA early on in the game. I’m still impressed with myself.

And then we have MICHIGAN. So many good choices here. Home Improvement made its mark, as did Freaks and Geeks and Martin. But Nordberg opted for 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter. And since he spelled all the words correctly, he gets it. Hey, we’re men! We’re 40!

That leaves:
DELAWARE – IDAHO – IOWA – KENTUCKY – MONTANA – NEBRASKA – NEW HAMPSHIRE – NORTH DAKOTA – SOUTH DAKOTA – WYOMING.Care to help? Go and rock the comments.

(And no, the Cheyenne Local News at 5 does not count.)