A Legit Use for Ashton Kutcher's Trucker Hats

Over the past few years, CMT (or Country Music Television, for the acronym-challenged) has managed to quietly install itself as a fixture in that music-themed block somewhere on your cable listing between sports and news. This likely has to do with the emergence of country music as a more potent market force in the music landscape, not to mention the fact that Viacom bought it in 1999. Viacom, who owns MTV and VH1, has proven time and time again that they’ll let just about anything on their TVs. (I Love New York 2? Really?)

When CMT joined your cable lineup, they had to grow up quickly. The art of the music video, and for that matter, looking presentable, was an art not yet learned by many country music artists. There’s no way Alan Jackson in a neon life preserver sees the light of the day now. But CMT (which in this case, has nothing to do with compulsory military training or Charco-Marie-Tooth disease) knows that not all artists are pretty, so they’ll need something to fill the air between Carrie Underwood videos. It’s a shame there’s only one that’s held my attention.

Trick My Truck.

I’ve covered this topic before – hell, it was the reason I swore off couch sleeping in entirety – and there’s not much more you can write about a show that overhauls the least-flashy vehicle on the road. And I do not intend to do that. Instead, I’d like to point out a press release that CMT announced yesterday.

A new makeover series, Trick My Trucker, will debut on CMT on Nov. 10 at 9 p.m. ET/PT. From the producers of Trick My Truck, the new six-episode series will give truckers a physical and emotional overhaul for cash, prizes and a roadmap to healthy living. The show will be hosted by Bob Guiney (The Bachelor) and will feature celebrity stylist Harmonie Krieger and trainer Aaron Aguilera.

Ok, I have no problem with spin-offs. They can be enormously successful if a proper idea exists, at least one more than the fourth-leading actor would like to continue to receive a paycheck. (cough joey cough) And it’s not like truckers aren’t in need of some fine grooming to up their image. After all, there’s only so many shades of flannel that the ladies find attractive. I don’t understand Bachelor Bob’s involvement, and Hermione’s last name is Granger, not Krieger, but it’s likely that the ladies of Country Music Nation will tune in to see this latest production.

But I have a better idea.

You named the show Trick My Trucker, and the brand awareness to the name is what will link this new show to the old successful show about the vehicles. I got that. But where you thought you were clever, it turns out you were just misleading. And if you go by my take on the title, I think I have a WAY more entertaining program to sell you.

Trick My Trucker: The Punk’d of the Cargo Logistics and Transportation World.

Think of the potential pranks Hermione and her wizard buddies could play on innocent rig jockeys:

• Replace their intimidating car horns with one that plays the melody from “I Feel Pretty.”
• When they’re not looking, fill their trailer with melty popsicles.
• Get that damn Convoy song to get stuck on loop over the audio system.
• Open a nightclub in the back of the guy’s cargo hold. Velvet rope and all.
• Introduce new trucker lingo over the CB airwaves that makes no sense whatsoever. Example: “The coattails of the monkey butler are covered with paint thinner. Copy?”