Breed, Eagles Breed!

And fish were just starting to feel safe.

Quite possibly the biggest news to ever be heard in the hallways of Arlington’s United States Fish and Wildlife Service, it seems that despite the rocketing gas prices, the fledgling war effort, a loss of confidence in Presidential leadership, the struggling real estate market, and Paris Hilton’s ability to capture the national attention span, America is doing just fine. While most accountants use numbers as the bottom line for success and failure, we here at YAB prefer to live in the abstract.

Symbolically speaking, we’re awesome.

The latest sign? The noble Bald Eagle just pulled a Pacino.

For the duration of my life, our national bird was out. It was the poster creature for every reference to extinction, endangered species, and threatened existence. While all the fame and publicity of holding such lavish photo opportunities might seem nice for awhile, look what it did for the title’s predecessor. Poor Dodo, we hardly knew ye.

Despite being limited in number, the Bald Eagle has consistently stepped up to the plate for the U.S. It has stayed still countless times so that we could create bronze replications for our federal buildings. It has survived a horrific re-creation of itself at Nationals games. They’ve sent one of their best to serve as one of the most-underrated Muppets of all time. But because of rampant deforestation, urbanization, and prejudice towards those who lack full-bodied heads of hair, the Bald Eagle has declined in numbers over the years.

Time to pull them back in.

After all, the Bald Eagle is such a stern, menacing, dignified avian animal, it sets the tone for all of America on the international stage. Ever wonder what birds other, less impressive nation have come up with? Switzerland employs the noble “chicken,” while the UK rolls with the fierce “European robin.” Other than Peru’s “Andean Cock-of-the-rock,” frankly we’re not impressed.

And for the record, someone should probably break the bad news to Mauritius. Their national bird in the dodo.

Being placed on the USFWS’ federal list of threatened and endangered species is like taking a seat on Death Row. You know your time is coming as a species to disappear, and it becomes a waiting game. Countless inmates have come before you – T-Rex, Auroch, Laysan Rail – and gone without much fanfare. When the Bald Eagle joined the list, things did not look good for him, nor America.

But these birds – they are a-breedin’.

Come June 29th, the USFWS will hand down a landmark decision as to whether they will or will not remove the Bald Eagle from our national registry of short-stick carrying creatures. It seems that while everyone was so careful not to kill these guys, they’ve taken the opportunity of this safe period to build their numbers back up and re-enter the birdforce with numbers not seen since the beginning of the 20th century. So in an unusual reversal of fortune, it seems the Bald Eagle has proven itself worthy as a self-sustaining national landmark.

(That freeloading oak tree, on the other hand...)

So just where are all our bald eagles, you may ask? According to this map, they prefer the cold confines of states like Minnesota and Wisconsin. And while the climate in Arizona and New Mexico are largely similar, bald eagles prefer being in the former by a score of 86-8. And you questioned the draw of having four pro sports teams. But the most curious thing on the map? Apparently, there are 2 bald eagles somehow finding a way to live in the District of Columbia. Sure, there’s only a pair in Vermont and Rhode Island, too, but where in DC can bald eagles fly?

Apparently, they’re cool with taxation without representation.