Kayaks for Midgets

Fairfax Corner, the collection of restaurants, retail stores, and the movie theater by which we live is a highly enjoyable locale for a early evening baby walk. From a people standpoint, you get to witness the happy hour scene at Coastal Flats or Rio Grande, where young professionals come to forget the day by befriending heavy metal buckets containing ice cold bottles of beer. On weekends in May, you can watch as groups of uberformal high schoolers stand outside P.F. Changs for three hours waiting to have dinner, knowing full well they’ll be late to prom on account of Chang’s unwillingness to take reservations.


Hey Joe, work on that, will ya?

It’s truly a family outing when both Katie and I take the baby out in the stroller. Clara, who is now cool with sitting in the actual stroller and not her rear-facing car seat on top of said stroller, faces forward and now has WAY more to look at. So while Katie stops in Ann Taylor Loft to look around, I figure it’s probably best to do the fatherly thing and introduce the kid to the wonderful world of outdoor sports and expedition.


It’s what Uncle Nordberg would want.

Other than the movie theater, my next favorite place to frequent in such proximity to our apartment is REI. A superstore of all things recreationally awesome, it contains everything you’d ever need to have fun in somewhere other than the suburbs. Now there’s much to see in this story, and walking through it with Clara can be high comedy, since so much of their merchandise – bikes, cooking gear, pickaxes – are shiny.

Babies love the shiny.

However, REI is not the type of store that can spin-off another retail outlet devoted entirely to the barely-walking market segment. It works for Gap, it works for Pottery Barn, it works for the Limited. But these places sell things that babies can use, just in miniature fashion. Clothes and housewares, sure.


GPS systems and tents? Maybe not.

So while I’m not advocating the good folks at REI to create a baby superstore, I would like to highlight that they haven’t forgotten about the consumers of tomorrow altogether. I did a “baby” keyword search on their website, and the database kicked back 127 results. Let’s look at some of them in more detail.

BOB Revolution Stroller – For the parent that won’t let procreation stand in the way of fitness, we have this stroller that allows you to jog with baby. These tires look more durable than the spare donut I have in the trunk of my car. So the baby sits in the well-sheltered launch seat while out-of-sight Dad pushes from behind. Don’t worry, she’ll know you’re there. The nylon roof isn’t soundproof; she’ll hear your desperate panting without a problem. Typically, I run on treadmills because there’s less incentive to stop running for me. I assume this would work in similar fashion. Based on our adventures in the car at red lights, stopping is most definitely a bad thing.

Chariot Carriers Cougar 1 Chassis – It’s pretty much the same thing as the one above, but this time the baby is enclosed in their own little space pod. You’re probably not going to be running 5k’s with this one, but it gives your kid a very early sense of royal entitlement. The reason we feature this one is because in B.C. times (Before Clara), they had a version of this thing on the store floor that had skis attached. Ok, so it’s warm enough to be all-weather, I got it. How the hell are you going to get this thing on the chair lift?

Co-Pilot Limo Child Seat – By now, you realize that REI is not advocating extreme outdoor sports for baby. They just don’t want their existence to hinder your ability to cliffdive, rock climb or join the Amazing Race. This is a bike seat that my parents had back when I was a kid – you strap it to the back, and Mom and Dad go on long relaxing bike rides without having to worry if you’re home redecorating the dining room with your crayons. These things have a narcoleptic quality to them, as I used to fall asleep instantly. It was hard plastic, rigid, and upright – not exactly conducive to slumber.


This explains so much.