Have a Drumstick and Your Brain Stops Ticking

A few nights back, I attended my first ever game at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. The following are some thoughts concerning said game.

Up until this point in my life, I had actually only seen major league baseball in three different places. First, you have Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia. The Fightins’ home until 2004, it was a concrete monolith that favored symmetry over style. Second, there’s RFK Stadium in DC, the current home of your Washington Nationals. In essence, it’s the twin stadium to the Vet, only with a greater propensity to run out of concessions in the upper decks by the 4th inning. And finally, there’s Citizens Bank Park, the current home of Philly. Much to the chagrin of the bankers that are spending million to loft their moniker over the park, it’s come to be known simply as the “Bank.” Lord knows Billy Wagner cashed in there after one good season.

(Fun Fact: Citizens Bank Park can be re-arranged to spell both “CRAZIEST PINK BANK” and “ZEBRA NAPKIN STICK.” That is all.)

However, we can now add the retro-modern feel of the Charm City to that list. This was no easy task. With a 7:05 start on tap, I left my desk at 5, some 50 miles from my seat. Once you calculate the money needed for gas and the anguish of spending two straight hours in traffic, there’s no way I’m shelling out any cash whatsoever to which the lowly Orioles do battle with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. But Condon, sports franchises make money by charging patrons to watch the game! What will you do?

Enter the Chinese Chicken.

Joe Brescia, in the 15 years that I’ve known him, has worn a lot of hats. He’s been a youth soccer enforcer, a World Cultures compatriot, a roller hockey linemate, the future GM of the Flyers, a trampoline inspector, arcade race car driver, cell phone connoisseur, a Savage Gardener, and the hat Lou Jester stole from him in high school. But now we can one more lid to his collection.

Caterer to the Stars.

For those who don’t know, The Breche Mode is a manager of the new P.F. Changs in Inner Harbor Baltimore. Somehow, he convince the Baltimore Orioles to let them supply locker room cuisine for home games. In exchange? You guessed it.

Free tickets.

I could care less if Miguel Tejada and Erik Bedard fight over the last lettuce wrap if Mr. Brescia sends a free seat to a pro ball game my way. (Note: Tejada always wins that battle.) And so he did last week, where I witnessed quite possibly the weirdest sequence of events I’ve ever seen live at a pro sporting event. Let’s paint the picture, no?

Okay, it’s bottom 5 and the O’s are clinging to a 7-6 lead. Melvin Mora (quite possibly the geekiest first name for an athlete) singles to center field to lead off the inning. Kevin Millar flies out to center, and Jay Payton steps to the plate. On a 1-0 count, Mora steals second. The D-Rays’ catcher, Dioner Navarro, throws the ball into centerfield (he was distracted by the icy sheen from the dome of Sr. Brescia) and Mora gets up and tails it to third, beating the throw from the outfield. He’s safe, and everybody agrees.

Everyone, that is, but Tampa 3B Ty Wigginton.

Wigginton (the geekiest surname in the MLB) makes short work of his rant and gets tossed from the game by the umpire. You don’t see that every day. As he sulks his way to the dugout, he throws his cap into the stands. You don’t see that every day. Because we are in Baltimore and not Tampa, the crowd chants for the recipient of said cap to throw Ty’s hat back onto the field. He complies.* You don’t see that every day. In all the excitement surrounding Wigginton and his well-traveled hat, few saw a man running across the outfield from his seats in left-center. You don’t see that every day.

Oh, and the Orioles won. You don’t see that every day.

*Personally, I would have rebuked the surrounding fans and kept the hat. But that’s just me.