Blockhead Economy

The economy is a tricky thing. Just when things seem to be going well for a country, interest rates can shift and the market can plummet. On the other hand, just when you start contemplating selling your ears to science (with Paris Hilton on the radio, anything’s possible.), those stocks are bound to rise. Rise and Fall. Supply and Demand. Ebert and Roeper. It’s a thumbs up, thumbs down kind of life.

When times get tough for people, they do what they have to make ends meet. Grocery budgets may get slimmer. Vacations, less luxurious. There are completely feasible ways to cut back without selling the farm. (Econ Fast Fact: In fact, since only 1.7% of Americans are farmers, it seems that just about everyone has sold their farms. Isn’t it time for a new cliché?)

This country hasn’t seen a major economic tragedy since the Great Depression. It was an era that far surpassed any other era in terms of poverty, lack of supply, and inflation. (That’s why history books talk about it and not the Above Average Depression of ’78.) People live on, and with little consequence.

Wish the same could be said for Lego people.

A story tumbled down on Wall Street that Danish-based Lego Group, those ingenious people responsible for expanding the construction skills not to mention imagination of the young millions around the globe, are planning to slice 1,200 jobs from their corporate staffing levels within the next year. The U.S. manufacturing plant will be a thing of the past, pink slipping 300, and another 900 across the pond in Denmark will be on the streets in the next few years. There are rumors of new plants in Eastern Europe and Mexico, but that could be years?

Can you imagine how many Legos it would take to build a brand new manufacturing plant?

Anyway, this is no doubt a blow to small-town Legoland. YAB lays out the consequences of such a move.

First off, consider the people of Legoland. Haven’t they suffered enough?? They can only bend at the waist, they lack elbows and knees, and don’t even think about twisting one’s torso to see what’s going on to the left or to the right. They’re a complete test market for Hair Club for Men, and even when they do have hair, it’s helmet hair. How do these guys ever get dates?

Legochicks must dig spaceships and race cars.

So what happens when these guys get laid off and start defaulting on payments on the aforementioned “hot rides?” Well, they could always look for other work to supplement the family income. But Legoland isn’t in Jersey, so there’s no need for fuel jockeys at the gas station, the marina is going to be a ghost town once the First Bank of Legoland starts repossessing boats, and last time I checked, castle work only results in being paid in plots of land, and honestly, have you seen what personal property tax rates are at these days? No thank you.

With other employment looking scarce, Legoland takes a dagger of a hit. Anarchy and chaos move in to town, and Lord knows those little guys aren’t prepared for the changes. Buildings can be taken down as fast as they went up, and makeshift shacks are often put in their place. These shacks should be condemned. The wall material is 9 different colors, castle windows are used as stop gaps for building material shortages, and Lego people end up sleeping on the floor, as their beds now help build the front walk. In a final act of desperation, have been known to drive their cars straight into walls and planes have simply fallen out of the sky. This is how construction towns live and die in the 21st century.

If only a superhero could save the day…