Just What the Doctor Ordered

Continuing our spontaneous study in numerology, today we try and determine the latest digital mystery flooding the airwaves. Why all of a sudden are we as a society obsessed with the meaning of numbers? Has there always been more to our counting system that we just hadn’t explored? After seeing the Colbert Report’s study of 6-6-6, there’s a lot that can be made of a one and a two and a three and a four. Who is to blame for this fascination?

Um…Lost? We’re looking in your general direction.

While watching SportsCenter, it appears that the Cadbury-Schweppes Bottling Company are at it again. They recently re-branded their #2 product, 7-Up, by changing the formula to only include natural flavors. Now I’m not exactly sure which group of avid drinkers were lobbying for such a change, but what’s done is done. I market tested the new flavor recently on my flight out to New Mexico. To paraphrase my Film Critic review of “Something Like You”:

I drank this on a plane. I hoped it would crash.

Yes, Cadbury-Schweppes (the ginger ale people who force bunny rabbits to lay eggs for Easter – savages) led off their grand re-brand with a ground ball back to the pitcher. This won’t have the disastrous effects of say, New Coke, but that’s because since Orlando Jones left the campaign trail, no one cares about 7-Up. I used too. But natural flavors are not what I want in a citrus soda. I want natural taste. (And maybe more Orlando Jones.)

Next at bat: Dr. Pepper.

This morning, I saw the good Doctor’s new ad campaign. They’ve decided to push the trade secret that Dr.Pepper contains 23 flavors. Yep, in that 12 oz. can, there’s 1 score plus 3 flavors in there. Talk about packing them in there. That’s only .52 oz. per flavor. (We’re assuming that you can drink these flavors one-by-one: there’s a blending process involved. Come on, what did you expect? This man has a PhD!)

23 flavors? Really? The numerology of 23 makes one think that they picked that number of flavors because of its particular power and reverence in society. Famous athletes from Jordan to Beckham to Lebron have worn it. Yes, it shows up in Lost. Earth rotates on a 23 degree angle. Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times. Psalm 23 is on of the most famous scripture passages outside the Gospels. Princess Leia is held in detention block AA-23. I was 23 three years ago. This is significant because I am human, which I might add has 23 pairs of chromosomes. (Note: And like David Beckham, I play soccer.) (Freaky, I know.)

So it’s a powerful number, no one denies this. Dr. Pepper, is it possible that your soda has 23 different ingredients, much less flavors? There’s only one way to find out. YAB will gladly drink a Dr. Pepper live on the blog, and list below the flavors we taste. It’s like wine tasting, but I’ve never had a varietal that claims to practice medicine before. Here goes:

Pop. Gulp. Ahhhhhhhh.

1. Caramel.
2. Corn Syrup.
3. Vanilla
4. High Fructose Corn Syrup
5. Phosphoric Delight
6. Sarsaparilla
7. Low Fructose Corn Syrup
8. Zest
9. Un-Natural Flavors (take that, 7Up!)
10. Scrumtrilescence
11. Candy Corn Syrup
12. Medical School Loans
13. Schnozzberries
14. Butterscotch
15. Mild Cherry (not wild, mind you. We have morals.)
16. Popcorn Syrup
17. Burning
18. Pepsi (dude, we were short on ingredients)
19. Essence of Cute Puppy
20. Crunk Juice
21. Children of the Corn Syrup
22. Happiness
23. Peace