Hope You Get a Lot of Bugs

For you American readers that enjoy some sort of income regulated by the IRS and the Department of Labor, by now you are no stranger to taxation. Yep, the government, both federal and local, have been taking some of your hard-earned cash in order to provide services and features of daily living that make much more sense to pay all at once on behalf at all. Just imagine if you had to construct, build, and bankroll a personal road to get you and only you to work. Sure traffic would be better, but since you had to make said road out-of-pocket, methinks you had to put up your car as part of the payment. Yeah, enjoy walking to work on your personal road, Skippy.

See? Taxes can be exchanged for goods and services – stuff you can’t be bothered with providing on your own dime. Aside from the aforementioned interstate transit system, your taxes pay for people to do jobs that you can’t do yourself. You have a fire department that prevents your house from becoming a smore-fest, even though you were too dumb to take that roll of paper towels off the stove. You have a police department that apprehends criminals for travesties against your sense of security. You have animal control, you know, for those wild coyotes that prevent you from parking in your driveway. And now we’d like add a fourth notable service that Fairfax County, Virginia provides at no extra charge (read: no new taxes):

MOSQUITO CONTROL.

How do I know Fairfax has a Mosquito Control Patrol Unit? Because I followed it to work today. Yes, they have their own vehicle. A non-descript, white pickup truck with a yellow flasher light, the county seal and a big sign across the back proclaiming MOSQUITO CONTROL.

First off, Fairfax County is far from the swamps of Florida. The mosquitos around here? Not a big deal. But just to be safe, the county had commissioned a 4x4 vehicle, manned with 2 employees, to roam the streets of Vienna to make sure that we prevent a mosquito outbreak before it turns into Outbreak or Jurassic Park.

However, the flatbed of said pickup was empty, which made me wonder what exactly these two fine young gents are able to do to eradicate the out-of-control flying bug epidemic that I couldn’t do on my own? After all, if I had a mosquito problem (anything short of West Nile), couldn’t I take care of it and pay less taxes? Hell, the depreciation on a sweet ride such as the Chevrolet Colorado must be setting the county back tens every uh, year. Do these guys have superhuman swatting ability that make them worth what they’re paid. Can they look at a fly and have it drop to the earth out of sheer intimidation? What makes them so worthy of our tax dollars.

Ah, they’re multi-talented.

On Rte. 123 in the morning, I basically move from stop light to stop light for 6 long miles with little more than the radio to keep me awake. Nothing exciting happens in the northbound lane. Hell, I’ve never even seen an accident. But the southbound lane? That’s where the party is.

This morning, an ambulance and two fire trucks, horns and sirens a-blazin’, screamed their way past my car in the opposite direction. Where they were headed, I can’t be sure. But I do know this.

The mosquito control truck U-turned and followed.

Who knew insects are capable of arson?