Pimp My Legislation

YABNews, back again, in with the new so let’s begin.

Hours ago, Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa took the floor of the Capitol to make one last effective argument in support of his bill that will soon be put to a vote. With the Senate Finance Committee ready to check yes or no, Grassley’s idea that a labor income tax should and will be levied on all employees in the sex trade industry. Too long has this clever rouse of tax evasion gone unpunished, as even those who work hard for the money (so hard for the money) should pay their dues to Uncle Sam.

Yes, Sen. Grassley wants a pimp tax. (Does that make Uncle Sam some sort of uberpimp?)

If Grassley gets his way, no longer can a pimp operate without abiding by the rules and regs handed down by the U.S. Tax Code as well as the Department of Labor. Part of my Entrepreneurship course involved going through the steps to incorporate in Fairfax County. Hey Pimp, you know what this involves? A small fee (no big deal to any pimp with a good business and a good corner) may be negligible, but damn do pimps hate paperwork. That’s right; you’ve got some forms to fill out, mostly likely in triplicate.

For the record: Today: first time I’ve ever used “triplicate” in a sentence.

The idea is simple, really. Grassley wants to make sure the Dept. of Labor recognizes pimps as employers, with their prostitutes as employees. This could get dangerous for the employer. All of a sudden you need to start discussing fringe benefits, like healthcare and vacation time. God bless the first prostitute that invokes “401k.” Never mind that pimping is illegal in the United States, Senator Grassley. We understand your need to regulate. You’re the Warren G of Congress.

For the record, YABNews did some research into the voting records of one Charles Grassley, and it turns out, the senator is truly the voice of the people. Not only is he against the sex trade industry, he also despises cancer, murder, evil, traffic, nuclear weapons, and romantic comedies. On the other hand, Grassley supports education, puppies, ice cream, free money, charity, and Raymond. Way to take a stand on this one, Chuck.

I had no idea the streets of Des Moines has gotten so bad.

Ok, so we tax the pimps. I’m ok with that. I pay taxes, why shouldn’t he? He’s working in a service industry that has not contributed to helping the federal budget…ever. Just think of all the additional welfare programs we could have in this country if we could just get the pimps to pay their share. New orphanages and hospitals, ice cream and puppy complexes. And every now and then, Uncle Sam can pull an RIAA-type sting and take a swing at a pimp to show that we still don’t approve. It’s just like how we combat illegal mp3 sharing on the internet.

At the same time though, expect this tax to make it much more difficult for a pimp to operate. Imagine if someone came into your office and said without any impedance was allowed to take 30 per cent of your income. What would happen to your standard of living? Now imagine the same situation but now you’re a pimp (and your office is referred to as a lovenest). Your clothes? Less fly. Your car? Bye-bye to your spinners. Your bling? Gone. How are you ever going to be able to do your job with that old swagger.

Thanks to Sen. Grassley, it’s getting hard out here for a pimp.