Open and Shut Case

In fact, this whole courtroom’s out of order.

On the first floor of my office building, you will find very few actual offices. While the other 13 floors may be filled with tightly-packed cubicles and in many cases, more people than there are windows, the first floor is a presentation floor. Even though aesthetics do not make or break contract wins and losses, it’s a nice touch to give a professional appearance with sharp architecture, exciting award cases, and clean, striking graphics.

Having a plasma in the lobby helps, too.

However, even with a slick lobby and killer cafeteria, not everything can run perfectly all of the time. It would be nice for everything to constantly be in order. But I guess, every now and then, it’s okay for something to be out of order.

In this case, it wasn’t something you’d expect. Out of Order is normally a phrase reserved for machines with many intricate working parts, which at any time could go haywire, ceasing future operation at the risk of endangering those who intend to use it. Take elevators, for example. If I saw an elevator with an Out of Order sign pasted to it, I wouldn’t think twice about coming up with another way to change floors. There’s too much risk involved for defiance of the sign. Am I to pry open the elevator doors? Hell, no.

You see? That’s the power the phrase “Out of Order” has. You believe it without question. On the Scale of Authority, it’s not quite “Beware of Dog” (never will you enter such a place and remain completely unaware of potential ferocious canine) but definitely ahead of “No Right on Red.” (since you no doubt contemplate flipping the blinker on and gunning it around the corner if no one’s around.) (We know these things about you. Scary, huh?)

But what happens when “Out of Order” is misapplied? Like on a DOOR?

Can a door be out of order? I mean, I understand that a door made up of simple machines that provide work on the user’s behalf in order to make entering and exiting through a hole in the wall easier. Without these machine components (hinges, for example) every time we left, we’d have to pick the door up, pull it out of the frame, pass through the opening and then replace the door. Seems rather cave-like, no?

There’s a glass double door downstairs near the cafeteria that leads to an patio where you can eat your lunch outside. Can’t say I’ve ever actually done that, since most lunches are eaten desk-side, but I understand how it works. 1) Acquire Lunch. 2) Go through Door. 3)Eat Lunch Outside. Simple, really.However, this door’s out of order, and I have no idea why. After a careful inspection of the door, the following things were clearly not wrong with said door:

- The door sat comfortably in its closed position, not forced or jammed in.
- The handle is in full working order.
- The door is not currently slanted in any direction.None of the glass is cracked or broken.
- Being a glass door, I can see that there aren’t fire or bears on the other side of door.

The following things were wrong with said door:

- There is an erroneous “Out of Order” sign affixed to the door.