Baby, I'm Amazed By You

The following are a list of things that babies that babies find amazing. Maybe not all babies – it’s not like every adult finds the Mona Lisa to be art or the this past week’s Nikki and Paolo episode of Lost to be excellent – so we can’t assume that babies are a homogeneous think tank, either. So let’s re-phrase this upcoming list’s title. And put it in bold and underline it for added…amazement.

Things Our Baby Finds Amazing

1. Lights – It doesn’t matter if it’s fluorescent, incandescent, white, yellow, blue, natural, artificial, or neon, illumination is by far the greatest thing on the planet according to Clara Grace Condon. Who can blame her? She spent nine months in relative darkness, save the time that Daddy put a flashlight up to Mommy’s stomach to see if the baby would turn her head. (Answer: Nope.) And all that did was probably make one wall of the womb glow red. The first time she sees E.T, she’s going to have some wicked flashbacks.

But most of the baby’s day involves lying somewhere and looking around. And no matter how many times you try and get her attention, if there’s sun peeking through the window blinds, you’ve lost her. She’s visibly exciting to see that light is concentrated into specific sources, and is probably formulating a plan as to how to make it light all the time. After all, it’s only when it’s dark that her parents insist on wrapping her up tight and putting her in a crib.

This kid’s going to be beside herself come Christmas.

2. Cause and Effect – She’s also starting to realize that her actions often bring specific results with them. Take her bouncer chair, for instance. Every time she scoots down in the seat to get with in swinging distance of the hanging toucan or chimpanzee, she’ll take a crack at moving them from their peaceful positions. And if she manages to succeed, a carnival of light and sound erupts before her eyes. Smaller animals move back and forth, cheerful synth tunes play and the waterfall (note: does not contain actual water) flows and ebbs with the rhythm. She’ll sit there and take whacks at it, and finds that there is a symphonic reward to be had. At this age, she’s not at a point where we can teach her a whole lot, other than cause or effect.

Or an intense need to bludgeon any monkey or tropical bird she sees.

3. Medicine – Right now, there’s a few things that our doctor has prescribed that Clara should take on a daily basis. Aside from helping her stomach feel better, bones grow stronger, and reduce colic, this is her first real introduction to her sense of taste. And she finds this amazing. Prior to these liquid dropper-fuls of meds, the only taste she has come to taste would be that of milk. And for all she knows, this is just something she needs to do to not be hungry. She has no idea that there is other food flavors – when she watches her parents down a pizza in record time, she assumes that pizza tastes like milk, too. Or that was until she got these prescriptions. Pharmacists have take the time to make baby vitamin mixtures taste like strawberry or bubble gum. Strawberry or Bubble Gum! It’ll be years before either flavor will be properly associated with the food from whence it comes, but she now knows that there are way more possibilities to how things taste in years to come.

That, or she thinks our pizza is now bubbleberry-flavored.

4. The Element of Surprise – Yeah, she’s pretty amazed that we haven’t caught on yet. Post-feeding, she’ll lie there in your arms, or likely, on you lap. She stares up at you; she’s happy, satisfied, and full. Life IS good. So what does she do to show her appreciation? She gives you one of those trademarked Baby Smiles – the ones that make the 3 AM diaper changes worth it.

You’ve been lured into the trap.

From her perspective, she sees you smile back and knows that you’re cooked. Amazed at this simple ploy, it’s really remarkable how often it works. Just as the tall ones are about to pat themselves on the back for a successful feeding, you widen that childish grin even farther. This causes whoever fed you to call their spouse into the room to see that beam. The spouse will look, smile, and then she senses it. This is all too perfect. Everything is going too well. She’s too happy after a feed. And right before she can say, “It’s a trap! It’s a trap! Run!” You show them just why you’re so amazed.

This is why I feed my daughter with a rain coat on.