Of Philly’s four major sports teams, the NBA’s 76ers are the one I follow the least religiously. That doesn’t mean I don’t look for their results in the box scores or can name at least half their roster or watched every minute of the 2001 Finals, but basketball has always trailed the other three. So, in the first NBA post since when Tony Met Dikembe, I give you a limited history of Recent Tall White Guys of the Philadelphia 76ers.
Recent Tall White Guys of the Philadelphia 76ers
Shawn Bradley – (C, 7’6”, 275lbs. 1993-1995) – Bradley was the Great White Hope, having been drafted at number 2 in the ’93 draft. (Ahead of Penny Hardaway, Jamal Mashburn and Sam Cassell – well done, guys.) According to his Wiki page, his favorite movie is Dances with Wolves and enjoys water skiing. Wait a minute. A man who stands 90 inches tall water skiing? This I have got to see. So whichever one of you who is sitting on this footage, get thee to YouTube. Bradley’s also a devout Mormon, having attended BYU and done his missionary work prior to the NBA time. Personally, I like my Mormons under 7 feet tall.
Mike Gminski – (C, 6’11”, 250lbs. 1988-1991) – The G-Man. You could count on him for 11 PPG, 11, Rebounds, a block or two, and the best beard on the court. He figured that if he’s not the best player on the court, he might as well look as close to Chuck Norris as possible and intimidates the rookies into thinking he was. Now he’s a college basketball announcer, and guess what? He writes a blog! No word on whether or not he’s done a post about the Recent Tall White Guys of the Philadelphia 76ers. Although he should. See how much fun we’re having?
Jeff Ruland – (C, 6’10”, 240lbs. 1986, 1991-1992) – Ruland only managed to play 18 games for the Sixers, since a knee injury from a Boston Garden baggage cart ended his career prematurely. It’s probably for the best, considering he came there at the end of his career and his best skills were being big and white. In the nineties, he lived in Medford and rented videos from Couch Potato’s, the store I unofficially worked at during my college summers. Um, Mr. Ruland, it appears that you’ve had the movie “Forget Paris” out two extra weeks, and you owe us another $11.40.
You try and say that to a 6’10” with a straight face.
Matt Geiger - (C, 7’, 243lbs. 1988-2002) – This guy, who played Danny Ocean’s bouncer friend Bruser in Ocean’s Eleven, has got the rest of them beat. He had a nice 10 year career in the NBA, included a 52 million dollar deal for five years he signed in 2001 with your 76ers. Granted, an ankle injury in ’02 forced him into retirement, which is probably a good thing. At that point in his career his best skill was “fouling Shaq.” But being a mediocre white man for a decade in a pro sports league does not come without reward. How do I know this?
Recent Tall White Guys of the Philadelphia 76ers
Shawn Bradley – (C, 7’6”, 275lbs. 1993-1995) – Bradley was the Great White Hope, having been drafted at number 2 in the ’93 draft. (Ahead of Penny Hardaway, Jamal Mashburn and Sam Cassell – well done, guys.) According to his Wiki page, his favorite movie is Dances with Wolves and enjoys water skiing. Wait a minute. A man who stands 90 inches tall water skiing? This I have got to see. So whichever one of you who is sitting on this footage, get thee to YouTube. Bradley’s also a devout Mormon, having attended BYU and done his missionary work prior to the NBA time. Personally, I like my Mormons under 7 feet tall.
Mike Gminski – (C, 6’11”, 250lbs. 1988-1991) – The G-Man. You could count on him for 11 PPG, 11, Rebounds, a block or two, and the best beard on the court. He figured that if he’s not the best player on the court, he might as well look as close to Chuck Norris as possible and intimidates the rookies into thinking he was. Now he’s a college basketball announcer, and guess what? He writes a blog! No word on whether or not he’s done a post about the Recent Tall White Guys of the Philadelphia 76ers. Although he should. See how much fun we’re having?
Jeff Ruland – (C, 6’10”, 240lbs. 1986, 1991-1992) – Ruland only managed to play 18 games for the Sixers, since a knee injury from a Boston Garden baggage cart ended his career prematurely. It’s probably for the best, considering he came there at the end of his career and his best skills were being big and white. In the nineties, he lived in Medford and rented videos from Couch Potato’s, the store I unofficially worked at during my college summers. Um, Mr. Ruland, it appears that you’ve had the movie “Forget Paris” out two extra weeks, and you owe us another $11.40.
You try and say that to a 6’10” with a straight face.
Matt Geiger - (C, 7’, 243lbs. 1988-2002) – This guy, who played Danny Ocean’s bouncer friend Bruser in Ocean’s Eleven, has got the rest of them beat. He had a nice 10 year career in the NBA, included a 52 million dollar deal for five years he signed in 2001 with your 76ers. Granted, an ankle injury in ’02 forced him into retirement, which is probably a good thing. At that point in his career his best skill was “fouling Shaq.” But being a mediocre white man for a decade in a pro sports league does not come without reward. How do I know this?
Matt Geiger is freakin’ rich. This is his house.Geiger’s trying to sell this St. Petersburg, FL mansion as we speak. In case you are interested, here are some of its features:
Sq. Footage: 28,000
Includes: “Several lavish bars, a DJ station and dance floor, hot tubs, a pizza oven and even a cigar room. Also, he’s got 40 televisions, and 18 of them are wired with a network of Xboxes. Do you realize what that means? You and 17 of your friends could play Madden together, and control 82% of the players on the field! (Shotgun: Left Guard!)
And if the 330k gallon swimming pool or 5,200 sq.ft. guest house don’t make you get out your checkbook, here’s the piece de resistance.
“man-made lake stocked with 2,500 bass and a
personal herd of livestock that has included 12 buffalo, 11 Watussi, two donkeys, a miniature horse and one cow on the 40-acre estate." Umm, two questions…Sq. Footage: 28,000
Includes: “Several lavish bars, a DJ station and dance floor, hot tubs, a pizza oven and even a cigar room. Also, he’s got 40 televisions, and 18 of them are wired with a network of Xboxes. Do you realize what that means? You and 17 of your friends could play Madden together, and control 82% of the players on the field! (Shotgun: Left Guard!)
And if the 330k gallon swimming pool or 5,200 sq.ft. guest house don’t make you get out your checkbook, here’s the piece de resistance.
“man-made lake stocked with 2,500 bass and a
- You own 12 buffalo? Where does one purchase a buffalo?
- Only one cow? You cheapskate, you couldn’t get her a friend?
(Photo courtesy of Sports by Brooks)
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