Two nights ago, the Anaheim Ducks became the 2007 Stanley Cup champions. They defeated the Ottawa Senators 4 games to 2, bringing the Cup to the West Coast for the first time ever and reminding Americans everywhere that aside from the Barenaked Ladies, Canada still kind of blows. Now I don’t care that people aren’t watching the games on TV. As long as hockey continues to be the premier live sport, ticket sales ensure that the league can pay for itself just fine. What I do care about is that incredibly important conversation that occurred 15 years ago in a wealthy partner’s St. Paul law office between a reluctantly philanthropic boss and suspended young hotshot lawyer from the Breakfast Club. Now I could simply type the final cut dialogue from memory for you, as a tribute to Anaheim’s victory, but that wouldn’t do it justice. You see, that scene was originally longer – here’s the script as it was originally intended.
Gordon Bombay: Mr. Ducksworth, there are two reasons I came by. First off, I want to let you know things are going well. I'm learning a lot about teamwork, fair play and all that junk.
Gerald Ducksworth: Good, good. And the second?
Bombay: Well, sir, fair play doesn’t come cheap. These kids, my team, have no money. They can’t afford rink time, safe equipment, proper uniforms – that upstart team down the coast in San Jose – have you seen them? My GOD, they’ve cornered the market on teal unis – I predict big things for teal in the nineties. Now imagine sir, being ten years old and stepping out onto that ice. Your name is Teemu Selanne -
Ducksworth: Teemu Selanne? What the hell is a Teemu Selanne? Sounds like a Jedi Knight.
Bombay: No, he’s a left wing. I traded that ridiculous brother and sister ice dancing duo to his junior club in Finland for him. He’s gonna be great.
Ducksworth: Oh. The Force is strong with this one.
Bombay: Hi-larious. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make, sir, is that you wouldn’t be taken seriously and neither are these kids. I’ve got a goalie, Jean-Sebastian Giguere, that six years from now every one will call him by an annoying Will Smith lyrics, and fail to realize what an upgrade in net he’s been over the fat kid from Philly.
Ducksworth: GOLD-BERG…
Bombay: So, I thought maybe the firm could help ‘em out.
Ducksworth: (sighs) How much are we talking about?
Bombay: $157 million.
Ducksworth: No way.
Bombay: Wait a minute. Think of the goodwill. We name the team after the firm. Suddenly, we’re the good guys. Ducksworth, Saver and Gross – the firm that gives back to professional sports entertainment. And God, how horrible would it be if I went to Saver or Gross with this pitch – could you imagine? The Anaheim Gross? Eech.
Ducksworth: What do you mean, Anaheim?? Why the hell wouldn’t they be hear in Minnesota?
Bombay: Two reasons, sir. First, the Lakers once called Minneapolis their home, and they’ve ended up in Cali – so we’re just bypassing the inevitable and starting fresh in our final arena locale. Second, we’ve got the North Stars. Granted, they’ll move to Texas in a year or two, and we’ll get a new team a decade later, but that’s neither here nor there.
Ducksworth: So you’re a lawyer AND a clairvoyant?
Bombay: Nah, some dude named Desmond told me that in the hallway.
Ducksworth: I don’t know about this…
Bombay: Come on, I’ll get you your own jersey…just like Snoop Dogg…
Once again, congrats to the Anaheim Ducks 6-2 Game 6 win over Ottawa.
Apparently, it’s not worth winning if you can’t win BIG.
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