Gavel With a Vengeance

While this story may be more aligned with the alley of Icarus Fallen, I think we are going to keep this home right here at the YAB NewsDesk. You see, CNN.com is reporting that tonight President George W. Bush will announce on national television his first-ever nomination to the Supreme Court of the United States. Recently, Justice Sandra Day O’Connor has opted for retirement over dressing just like her eight co-workers, and that has presented Bush with an opportunity to fill her chair.

Justice Stephen Breyer was last added by former President Clinton in 1994, meaning that for the last eleven years, there have been no changes to the reserved parking down at One First Street in NE Washington. According to the article, there is wild speculation that Edith Clement, a Circuit Court judge in New Orleans may be that choice, and that very well may be true. But the YAB NewsDesk thinks otherwise.

Our sources, which often remain unconfirmed anonymous because it’s really just Condon making stuff up as he goes along, have President Bush going in another direction. This is not out of disrespect for Judge Clement, as we assume her job isn’t as easy as the Big Easy implies. But rather, it is because there’s just a better candidate for the job out there. YABNews does not take this prediction lightly.

This Supreme Court Justice nomination has a lot riding on it. As the court keeps aging, (can we find a way to stop that?) this will be the first of numerous appointments in the next five years or so. We, the people, (did I steal that from somewhere?) need a justice to be a leader for the 21st century. A person of principle (no, not a Beta brother), where political ideologies are cast aside in the name of the Law. My fellow Americans (did I just steal that, too?), the man that President Bush should and will nominate tonight for such a high post should be none other than:

Samuel. L. Jackson.

Surely you know him. You shouldn’t even need his resume for such a post. But for the unconvinced, I give you the man in action. As you will see, his record has been exactly what Congress should be looking for.

This man, Samuel L. Jackson, has a long and storied career of respecting the law and upholding the rule of justice. From a very young point in his career, he knew that it was always best to Do the Right Thing. He has held several positions declaring what is illegal. In 2004, he aided Mr. Incredible to foil a plot by those who felt they were above the law. In Loaded Weapon 1, we saw Mr. Jackson time and time again stand up in the face of drugs, crime, and a shoddy parody.

The man has all the intangibles you should be seeking in a nominee. He has served on other Councils with authority. He served three terms with colleagues far older than Rehnquist on the planet of Coruscant. This man is totally used to the dress code – wearing long flowing robes were standard issue. In addition, he’s no stranger to a court room, having visited extensively in A Time to Kill and Rules of Engagement. When it comes to a hung room of justices, Jackson will be able to plead his opinion to the other eight with vigor, knowledge, and style. After all, he is The Negotiator.

But his most compelling reason to become a Justice is hidden in the dialogue he once uttered in 1994, under the pseudonym Jules. This man knows about judgment and upholding the rights of those who aim to do good…

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

Assuming he doesn’t get eaten by a shark.