Mr. Potter's Lullaby

Donald Duck was onto something.

Ok, not about the “walking around without pants” thing. Society would not be cool with everybody following in the footsteps of the cartoon duck on that one. But when it comes to learning, this quackpot had some serious brains. In 1959, Donald took time out of this busy schedule of posing for pictures with kids, donning one emotionless expression after another, and cut together an educational film. That flick, “Donald in Mathmagic Land,” was the pride of elementary school math teachers everywhere, and force fed to students on any day when there was a sub in charge. Haven’t seen it? Let me give away the theme: Math is magical.

(And if you couldn’t guess that from the title, you might want to consider retaking the 4th grade.)

Ah, magic. Seems to be the only thing people can talk about these days. And why not? At midnight tonight, millions up WAY past their bedtime will run to the Borders and get their hands on J.K. Rowling’s latest installment, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Ever since the last one came out in 2003, every pundit not focused on politics has been trying to predict what will happen in this penultimate edition to the young wizard and his friends. I thought about writing a blog with my predictions (the pundit that I am), but since I have yet to get through Book 5, that would be fairly inane.

However, even without getting all the way through Book 5, YAB is pleased to tell you exactly what happens to Harry once the series reaches its conclusion in Book 7. There is much speculation as to whether Mr. Potter will survive the series at all, ending as some sort of martyr. Well, I have the facts, and I am more than happy to share.

Harry Potter will survive.

What’s more, he is now an accountant in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Question my research methods all you want, but the easiest way to find out what someone is up to (assuming VH-1 hasn’t done the leg work for you) is to look them up the phone book. And that, dear readers, it precisely what I did.

After completing his wizard education at Hogwarts, it appears that Harry has decided to get out of the spotlight for a while. So he did what any other self-respecting celeb would do: get a real job and move to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Now I’ve never been to Tulsa, or any other part of Oklahoma for that matter, but I have to assume there are far fewer flashbulbs and news reporters there than at those frenzied post-game Quidditch press conferences.

As a CPA, Harry Potter no longer hides from muggles – he helps them with their finances. The decision to enter the accounting field for Mr. Potter did not come without controversy. When we first alerted the Ministry of Magic of his decision, it was wildly unpopular. Lesser men and women are now in American prison for doing magical things with numbers on financial statements – leaving Harry a prime target for any whistleblower looking for point fingers.

This isn’t to say that he can’t use what he learned at Hogwarts in his new profession. Just like his days on Privet Drive, he has found the line between magic and non-magic and uses it to balance not only his life, but his clients’ books. He sharpens his No. 2 pencils with a flick of the wand, his enchanted calculator can plow through cash flows without the headache, and that invisibility cloak comes in handy when a frustrated customer is waiting in the lobby, and he wants to sneak out to his favorite Tulsa watering hole for a drink.

I guess one day when Professor Snape called in sick to class, Dumbledore had the substitute throw in Donald in Mathmagic Land, too. Who knew?