Hero Shirt!

The title is what my first name would be without the dynamic duo of P and C. Confused?

PC, often paired to abbreviate the tenet of Political Correctness, is everywhere you look these days. Christina Toms isn’t short – she’s vertically challenged. Chief Justice Rehnquist isn’t elderly – he’s a senior citizen. Terrell Owens isn’t holding out – he’s withholding service for just compensation. The movie Stealth won’t be awful – actually, I got nothing. Yes it will. Horribly horribly awful.

For the most part, a societal insistence on the use of euphemisms doesn’t bother me that much. Mainly because I don’t pay attention to most of this silliness. There’s no way Toms is getting me to call her vertically challenged – she’s a little person standing tall. Rehnquist isn’t going to ask me to call him a senior citizen – he has no idea who I am. Political correctness only shows up when you say something wrong. And I do not believe I have committed any major crimes against the English language, so I’ve got a clean rap sheet.

While those who can put their PC-feet in their respective mouths are subject to mockery and ridicule, we here at YAB feel that America is a land of equal opportunity. Not only should those who stomp all over sensitive grounds be made fun of here at YAB, but even more so, those who try and make the world overly politically correct should be put in front of the firing squad. Well, friends, it’s time to lock and load.

This story may be a few days old, but it hasn’t escaped the HAL9000-like eye of the YABNews Desk. Perhaps inspired by the activism of Sir Bob Geldof, it appears now that many teachers in the UK have decided to champion a cause. But instead of eradicating poverty in Africa, the cause is far more foolish. According to the newswire, the Professional Association of Teachers will very soon have to debate whether or not British boys and girls will ever fail again.

Well, that’s not entirely true – it’s not that kids across the pond or going to get “wicked smart” at the drop of a hat. It’s just when they put that two plus two equals threeve on their next math test, teachers won’t be able to assign a mark of failure. Instead, in place of such a heinous word, the activists would like the phrase “deferred success” inserted. So when your kid comes home with an exam where he claimed the capital of Australia is “Outback City,” you can’t chide him for failing. He has instead opted to defer success.

Huh?

“Defer success” is probably the most overly formal term I have ever heard in my history of utilizing the English language. Even more so than the “upside of anger.” Not only is it uppity, it also makes a few assumptions. First, it assumes that all pupils will ultimately achieve success. Even with their ban on the word fail, there’s still going to be the kid who has no interest in academics whatsoever. Secondly, deferring success implies that each student who would have failed under the current nomenclature is making a conscious choice to hold off on doing well, delaying the inevitable shower of passing grades. “No, no thank you Ms. Wilcox. I appreciate the offer of success on this spelling test, but I have opted to spell “giraffe” with a j and a silent t in hopes that I may put off the success coming my way. Thank you, now may I have some tea and Fig Newtons?”

In other news, the Phillies open up a 3-game stand in Houston tonight. I am hoping that they do not “delay victory.”