Kick Off Your Sunday Shoes

To each their own, but let it be known. People notice.

The office workplace is a locale of professionalism. Every day, men and women walk into their respective places of business dressed to impress. Whether it is a power tie, a sharp blazer, or some other article accompanied by an intimidating adjective, you would be well-advised to look the part. All day long, people pass in the halls in their Sunday best, praying to God they don’t spill coffee/soda/Danish on them. If they succeed, they shall make it through the day maintaining this upper level of style.

Until…

…until they realize their company-owned building has a fitness center on the first floor. As an added perk to working in the regional HQ, employees can avoid paying ridiculous membership fees at WSC or Bally’s and get their run on without even getting in their car. I, for one, have been a member for over two years, as evidenced here, here, and here.

Once the workday is over and it is time to hit the gym, all fashion sense goes out the freakin’ window. Gone are the intimidating sounding adjectives and the color coordination. In are the clothes that you wouldn’t be caught dead in sitting at your desk, or for the most part, out in public. But now you’re in the Gym Zone, where everything is in play.

Now I ran track outdoors prior to my treadmill days, and from my experience, everyone can still have their style. Lou Jester rocked “The Flash” look. Chris Bromily made it hip to run in ugly high-tops. Scott Lightfoot insisted on skin-tight apparel. (Not actually Scott Lightfoot in picture. Just a replica.) I kept it real with standard l-sleeve t-shirts and athletic shorts. And I still do.

However, I wish I could say the same for my colleagues downstairs in the gym. I present to you the 5 Biggest Gym Zone Fashion Errors:

- Spandex. As the esteemed philosopher Matthew Lillard once proclaimed in the movie Hackers: “Spandex – it’s a privilege. Not a right.” I can’t agree more.
- Formal Lifting – These are the guys who come into the gym with no plans to ever work on their lower bodies. The only area of fitness they are interested in maintaining are the, and I quote, “the guns.” They’ come in half-changed, with a tank top, but managing to leave on the dress slacks and fancypants shoes.
- Short-shorts – Most-often a crime perpetrated by older men, let it be known that the checkered UMBROs are now as helpful as trying to cure a fever with a medicine ball.
- Layering – I kid you not, there’s this one woman who often uses an adjacent treadmill who gets on wearing no less than four layers of clothing. As her run (read: leisurely stroll) progresses, she strips down to match the “increasing” intensity of her exercise. By the end, she’s down to a t-shirt and shorts (like the rest of us normal people at the room temp of 72 degrees), but there a mega-mountain of clothing at the end of her ‘mill. Very strange.
- As for number 5, I confess I am the reason that this should be added to the list. Two nights ago after work, I headed down to the gym for my workout. Astonished, I opened my bag to find my shirt, shorts, socks, Dell mp3 player…but no running shoes. Rather than call it a day, I threw on the shirt, my running pants and hit the weights…in black loafers. No, I didn’t do my run, but I did do a circuit of machines.

Did I get half my workout in despite the packing error? Yes. And did anyone notice? No.