Sandman Works in Finance?

As yet another beautiful Sunday afternoon fell upon the Washington DC region, a few things became increasingly clear. The Nationals have realized that they were once the Expos, and have continued their freefall in the Wild Card standings. The world has too many stupid moviegoers, as Dukes of Hazzard claimed the box office with $30 mil in ticket receipts. And finally, local man Chris Condon has a lot of homework to do.

We hold these truths to be self-evident.

There’s not a whole lot that can be done for the first two. The Nats are not getting the run support they need and idiot filmatics will storm the box office yet again to vindicate Rob Schneider’s worst movie yet. But something can be installed to aid the third: Chris Condon can come into work such a lovely Sunday afternoon to write a paper.It was really an easy decision to try and work from work instead of home. Even though home has everything put away and all the Ikea furniture built, it lacks a certain something: INTERNET. No sense getting Cox in here before the wedding, since I’ll have about enough time to watch the SportsCenter “Did You Know” on cable. Instead, we’ve moved our grad school ops to comfy cubicular confines.

Working on a Sunday afternoon allowed me to do something unique – something that I guarantee every single one of you reader-types has contemplated at some point in your professional careers. Opportunities like this are rare; Kevin Costner has made more baseball flicks than such occasions arising. As I sit at my desk in a quiet office on a quiet day, with only the whirring of computers to keep me from absolute silence, I realize that this is my chance to seize the moment. I retract my hands from my keyboard. I remove the pen from my ear. I push aside the financials binder I’ve been working with. And then, ever so slowly, I place my arms on my desk, drop my head, and…

Take a Nap.

Honestly, how many times in your standard work week have you regretted not going to bad one hour earlier? Or maybe it was that one last round at Happy Hour that is making your computer screen look fuzzy. Whatever the reason, everybody has looked at their desk at some point and contemplated mistaking it for a pillow. So yesterday, with nary a soul around (I can’t believe I just used “nary.” I’m sorry.), I stretched out, leaned over, and fell fast asleep for twenty minutes.

When I woke up, I realized I had done what so many have pondered and what so few have intentionally done. And as I got back to work on my paper, I thought about other activities that I would love to do in an office setting but will likely never get the opportunity. I call these the Bachman Turner Overdrive Five – a list of tasks inspired by BTO’s call to take care of business (even if it means workin’ overtime.)

The BTO 5 are as follows:
1. SPORTS TIME! – Nothing is more enticing than zooming up and down the halls of a cubicle maze on a pair of trusty skates. Most office carpet is thin enough to emulate the concrete that lies a sixteenth of an inch below it, so speed and traction are both well-represented here. To be extra daring, bring a stick and ball along for the ride.
2. CASUAL TIME! – Only after Hurricane Isabelle in 2003 did I get to wear sandals and shorts to work on a normal day. Comfortable footwear is essential to productivity, so make sure to leave the dress shoes at home given the chance.
3. MOVIE TIME! - Let’s see – empty office? Nobody home? Reserve that large conference room in the corner for yourself and grab the popcorn. Surely by now you’ve figured out the AV system in there – pop in a movie, kick back and enjoy. I recommend Die Hard – ultimate office building movie.
4. SNACK TIME! – Other than your water bottle and maybe a frequented candy dish, your food options at your desk are severely limited. It’s time to expand that palette. Set up a mini-grill and a cooler next to the file cabinet and throw down some hot dogs (or Fritos, if you’re Mitch Hedberg). Just be sure to avoid the sprinkler system. And NOT too much charcoal, either.
5. NAP TIME! – Ding! Check please.