My Sharona

Who says politicians can’t get down?

CNN is reporting that Israel’s Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, the man who became the leader of the embattled nation in 2001, has decided it’s time to go. Unhappy with how his vision for the Israeli future is progressing, he’s putting on his “I’m Number #1” hat and making some changes. Despite being the one in charge of the political faction in power, he’s not too pleased with what’s transpired. It’s time to change.

The year was 1973. Sharon and his military buddies were kicking back in their bunker on the Sinai front after a hard day of fishing in the Suez. Six years prior, they had seen the bulk of their wartime action, fighting for six consecutive days, but all in all, it had been smooth sailing for a while. The men got together and decided they should celebrate the good life they had. An Evite was sent out, and the right-wing soliders let everyone know they were going to throw a party. The called it a Likud Party, which is really just a fancy Hebrew word for “Toga.”

Ariel Sharon’s party was well-known and well-attended for many years, up to this day. He enjoyed playing host for the Israeli people, but Likudpalooza wasn’t exactly what he had planned that day in the bunker. It started out exactly as the even planners had envisioned: a civil affair where people who shared the same preferences in the important issues (what music to play, where to put guests coats and weapons, whether Doritos are better as Cool Ranch or Cooler Ranch.) Dinner parties are indeed nice, Sharon thought at the time, but ultimately, he wanted to make sure that all his neighbors were cognizant that when it came to running a party, he was THE man. As the party rolled into the 80’s, they began to get the message.

But now that it’s 2005, Sharon is getting tired of this party. They’ve been playing Haddaway on the stereo since 1992. No one has thought to pick up salsa on the way to the party, making these Tostitos as dry as the desert sands. There was a raucous game of Twister that kept the joint jumping back in ’86, but the board has since been covered up by the coffee table that Netanyahu crashed through when he was forced to resign as Party Master of Ceremonies. Even Gaza Strip Poker seems dull.

So CNN is absolutely right when they are reading the tired expression on Ariel Sharon’s face. He knows that unless somebody brought Cranium, this is the beginning of the end for a party he first drew up the invitations for over thirty years ago. The time has come for the most powerful party animal to put down his drink (Mountain Jew Kosher Red), open up the closet in the foyer, grab his dusty, dusty coat, and quietly exit stage left.

But here’s the problem with Sharon. As wise as he was to leave a party that had been lame for about 5 years, he’s still got a fever. A fever to dance, to play, to party. And since he is still the Prime Minister of Israel, he’s going to use his status to organize a new party. Since the only other shindig on the block is currently billed the Labor Party, there’s no way he’s just going to grab a goblet over there. That sounds like work.

Long story short – Ariel Sharon’s throwing a Party. And you’re invited!