Decaf Nuclear Warfare

Since I got to work early, my morning routine had to be altered slightly. Because of a blasted 8 am training session (which I am currently listening to), I didn’t get my morning play session with Clara, and unfortunately, Katie had to get up early to take my shift. I tried to get as much done prior to waking her (diaper change, bottle prep), but ultimately there was only so much I could do. As a thank you to my wife, I ran out and got some coffee, nay, Caribou Coffee for her to enjoy while Clara downs her first bottle of the day.

Alas. it’s never a good idea to drink alone.

I thought that making an A.M. coffee run would be a largely simple and uneventful endeavor. For someone who knows what they’re ordering, it’s a simple walk in-order-pay-depart progression that will happen as quickly as the baristas are awake. At least that’s how they roll at Starbucks…

Caribou Coffee: Academic Caffeine Central.

As I handed forth my Wachovia debit card to pay for the coffee I have no intention of drinking, the barista behind the register fired back, “Do you want to save 10 cents by answering today’s trivia?” Now here’s the thing – that’s a one-answer, loaded question. I make a pretty good living. I often make purchases that result in a receipt of some loose change. I could really make it through the day without keeping that extra dime, (much less 6.) But this is an invitation for free money; I don’t have to pay extra if I get the question wrong. After all, it’s coffee house trivia – how hard could it possibly be?

“Who is credited with being the father of the atomic bomb?”

Holy hell.

I realize that there were a few routes that Caribou Coffee could have gone when it comes to question selection. First, they could always have coffee-themed trivia; in fact, this is what I was half-expecting. It would allow self-indulgent coffee nerds to feel good about themselves when they can carefully discern the difference between a macchiato and a mochachino. Perhaps it would be a geography question, as to what blends come from where in the world. I would have been fine with this question. I would have gotten it wrong, mind you – but then I could explain to them, “Oh, I don’t drink coffee. This is for my wife.” Then not only do I save face, I get nominated for Husband of the Year.

The second way they could have gone with the questioning was with something pop culture-related. This would have been current and timely, considering I’ve been practicing by watching VH-1’s World Series of Pop Culture the last couple weeks. And come to think of it, I remember being in here before and noticed that the trivia o’ the day was PRECISELY pop culture. It was “Name two Fraggles from Fraggle Rock.” (Wembley and Red come to mind.) Now THAT’S the type of knowledgeable worthy of saving a dime.

Back to the question at hand – “Who is credited with being the father of the atomic bomb?”

Don’t get me wrong, this is a legitimate trivia question and is not outside the realm of questions I would expect to find in a box of Trivial Pursuit, or even in a Jeopardy! Daily Double. But now I’m standing in front of 5 baristas (5!) with a stunned look on my face realizing that this is just a clever and cruel way to for them to interact with customers while maintaining their daily dime supply. After all, profitable businesses can’t just give away money – the questions need to be hard. Ok, back to my feeble answer…

“Oppenheimer is coming to mind.”

“Um, okay, that’s correct!?”

Damn right, that’s correct. I now wish to pay full price and be physically handed a dime as my reward.