New Year's Resolutions, but not really

At this time of year, most of the world will wake up on New Year’s Day with only two objectives for the day: 1) watch as much football as humanly possible, and 2) make some New Year’s Resolutions. Resolutions are not something that we here at YAB are against; the declaration to quit smoking, lose weight, or try skydiving are noble causes, and many people have found success by subscribing to the annual practice. However, when it came time for YAB to make its first-ever New Year’s Resolutions, we spilled champagne on the laptop, and in the midst of the frantic clean-up efforts, it is possible we missed the point. Regardless, we present our YAB NYR’s. Happy New Year, everybody.

New Year’s Revolution: The current staff of the YABNews desk will be overthrown by a band of guerilla journalists, mainly comprised of a renegade band of Muppets. Their new motto: NEWS INFUSED WITH ELECTRIC MAYHEM.
New Year’s Revelation: YAB has grown accustomed to speaking as a “we” and not an “I” when imparting information to its readers. For those new to the show, it’s only Condon here. If there was more than, there’s no way we’d be backdating; we’d be all caught up.
New Year’s Reverberation: HAPPY NEW YEAR! (HAPPY NEW YEAR!) (Happy New Year) (happy new year!) (-appy new –ear!)
New Year’s Resignation: It is with our greatest regret that we accept the stepping down of Chris Condon as Chief Awesome Officer of the Best Company Ever. This is only temporary, of course. (He just likes to make the Board of Directors crazy.)
New Year’s Restitution: In 2006, we’ll finally get that YAB Store up and running, and shall bestow on all past winners of the “Hundred Quizzes” the YAB t-shirts they are rightfully owed. Who likes free advertising? I do.
New Year’s Reservation: We don’t feel like fronting the cash right now, but we’re effectively calling shotgun on http://www.yab.net/, for our once and future home if this blog every gets caught up again.
New Year’s Reiteration: You’re a New Year’s Reiteration.
New Year’s Referendum: Referendums are usually called for when a new issue arises that the people have a responsibility to decide upon or when we need a governor in the Golden State. This is your opportunity to change YAB to be your voice, and not just the voice of the tall kid who has a penchant for spinning things. In the following year, what improvements would you like to see here on YAB? Don’t be shy. Let me know.
New Year’s Reformation: In 2006, we would like to see the reformation of an early recurring writing series: the Superhero chronicles. Very early on in the life of YAB, Condon the Superhero battles the likes of Nightpaver, Superlator, and other baddies. We’d like to see this recurrence reform in 2006.
New Year’s Refrigeration: Any misspellings in comments will force our YAB bouncer to put said commenter on ice. Interpret as you will.
New Year’s Restoration: We admit, the old YAB aesthetic mainframe has been phoning it in with few updates to the color scheme in quite some time. Look for a facelift, a shave, a haircut, wax, tire rotation, and the introduction of some typewriter monkeys in ’06.
New Year’s Realization: There’s nothing Fancy about McDonald’s Fancy Ketchup. If there was, all fine food, from lobster to caviar, would come prepackaged in tiny plastic pouches that you open with your teeth.
New Year’s Rejuvenation: Here’s to a newer, fresher, more cutting edge, technologically superior, hotter, state of the art…round of Nordberg phoning it in jokes.
New Year’s Reparation: For nearly a year, I’ve had a have written post about wearing ties gathering dust on the shelves. It’s just not funny. It’s forced, contrived, and rivals Daisy Does America for minimal amounts of comedy. This year, we’ll fix and post it. Promise.
New Year’s Resurrection: What will rise again? Easy. Accurate dating on new posts.