The Skies Rain Down Salsa!

No secret to the blogosphere, I’m a fantasy sports addict. I glorified the virtual sport of fantasy football here and told of my past year’s crashing finales here. I’ve long held the belief that if you are new to the sport and would like to know all the hints, tips, and secrets in order to finish 3rd-5th in your league, I’m your man. Year in and year out, I’m a contender. Year in and year out, I put together a winning season, a competitive team and a GIANT VOID on my mantle for potential championship trophies. I’m the definition of a “good GM.” Unfortunately, I have no idea what it takes to be a great GM.

When you play in an annual fantasy football league with your father, 3 uncles, 6 cousins, and a cousin-in-law who allowed the computer to autodraft him seven QBs, there’s two things on the line. First, you’ve got bragging rights. Theoretically, you all come from the same gene pool, which levels the playing field. It’s like IROC for fantasy sports. And with weddings, Christmas gatherings, and summer vacations together, it’s nice to be able throw in to a conversation things like “Man, I’d love to be your fourth for horseshoes, but I’ve got to get back to polishing my CFL trophy.” Second, as you can guess, there’s a trophy.

The Old Genny Cup is your classic fantasy sports trophy. All winners get their named engraved around the base. Above the base is a gold can (empty, I think) of Genessee beer (The Pride of Rochester). And above the can is a female bowler. I kid you not. Yeah, it’s not much to look at, but it’s great to have in your home. The details of its description, I’ll admit, are sketchy, since I’ve finished 3rd and 5th the past two years, and the trophy has been with my cousin Greg and my Uncle Jim. Like I said, I’m a good GM. NOW I’m GREAT.

The DC Salsa Sharks have won their first-ever CFL title, not to mention Chris Condon’s first ever fantasy sports title. In a 156-107 decision over the kville Giants, the boys from Virginia managed to finally put the finishing touch on the season by putting all the pieces together at the right time. Now the Old Genny Cup is still in NY for the time being, and delivery place and time of such an artifact still need to be ironed out, but as GM, I have already decided to adopt one of my favorite traditions of the National Hockey League with my Sharks. Each member of this championship team will get one day to spend with the trophy, and do whatever they please with it. It’s only fitting, since I made few roster moves and relied on a good draft to put the team together. It was really the players who made this possible. This is my idea of how such a tradition might unfold.

JAKE DELHOMME (QB) – For those outside North Carolina, Mr. Delhomme has been splitting time between Salsa Shark PR appearances and his other job – no not Panthers’ QB – the spokesman for fast food franchise BoJangles. For one day only, you can get a picture of yourself with Jake and the OGC with any purchase of a Cajun Filet Biscuit Combo.

SHAUN ALEXANDER (RB) – Shaun lives in Seattle, the home of Starbucks. So don’t be surprised when he flips the female bowler upside-down for his one day engagement. Two words: coffee stirrer.

JULIUS JONES (RB) – Yes, I had a Cowboy on my roster. Yes, he sucked all year long. But he exploded in the title game for 167 yards on the ground. Which is why I’ll let him have his day, too. Expect Jones to display it as a hood ornament on his new H2.

ANDRE JOHNSON (WR) – Andre Johnson, formerly of the Houston Texans, has decided to continually beat his other QB David Carr on the head with the trophy, so that they lose this week’s game and earn the right to draft Reggie Bush.

STEVE SMITH (WR) – A huge performer all year, Double S got thrown out of the title game for making contact (wrapping his arm behind) with an official while arguing a call. His day with Old Genny will be spent starting the Hug a Player Foundation, where he will raise money to pay off his fine.

KEENAN MCCARDELL (WR) - So what if you missed the NFL playoffs, Keenan? At least you can spend a day dressing the trophy in old-school powder blue. Let's go Bolts.

CHRIS COOLEY (TE) – Chris Cooley can’t decide whether to take the trophy out on the town or stay in with friends. That’s ok. He’s been confused as to whether he’s a Tight End or a Fullback all season. Thanks for the TDs, #47.

SHAYNE GRAHAM (K) – The Bengals kicker has learned a lot from playing with Chad Johnson in Cincinnati. Known for his TD celebrations, Chad has given Shayne an idea. Next year, every time he kicks a field goal, he’ll pose – not the Heisman pose – but the Old Genny pose. Kick the ball, “make the 7-10 split.”

JAGUARS DEFENSE (DEF) – This isn’t a player. More of an abstract idea. Sorry, no trophy time here, boys.