Our Annual Audio Obituary - Z104

Why is it that every time we ring in the New Year, I have to write one of these things? And just like last time, this obituary is a Condon original. Accept no substitutes.

“In a shocking turn of events, another bastion of radio rock has been slain in a senseless act of formatticide. Z104, the Washington DC home of Modern Music is no more. The current leader in “VH-1 Rock” in our Nation’s Capital, Z104 was pronounced dead at 12:00 noon, on January 4, 2006. This was the most fatal accident in the history of the popular party game Musical Chairs, as Z104’s spot on the dial has been taken by Washington’s Classical Station, WGMS. Fans of the newly deceased station are looking to point fingers, and have their sights set on assassinating both Peter and the Wolf.

WGMS, in turn, is looking to redirect the ire of those who enjoyed the McDonalds’ Morning Drive, by quickly explaining that their previous spot on the dial was taken over by WTOP, the 24-hour news station. While WTOP has been helpful on many a jammed gridlock car ride, the DC area understands another solid radio station is being put in the ground on account that the news station is trying to take over the entire spectrum of frequencies. One thing is clear: Z104 died in vain because too many people inside the Beltway are too uptight and thrive on instantaneous news broadcasts. Z104 would have said, “Kick back with Dave Matthews. You’ll feel way more relaxed than waiting for Traffic and Weather together on the 8’s.” But Z104 won’t be saying this for two reasons.

1) Z104 is now dead, remember?
2) Radio stations don’t talk

It was the dying wish, literally of Z104, for its playlist artists to rumble with the artists of WGMS, West Side Story-style. And while Nickelback, 3 Doors Down, All-American Rejects, and Fall Out Boy wouldn’t normally win many fist fights, they surely would have fared quite well against the old-timers of 103.5 – Brahms, Chopin, Haydn, and Wagner don’t exactly scream “Throwdown” in their various conciertos and operettas.

This is not the first time a popular rock-oriented station has lost out to “Audio Boredom” on the airwaves. Aside from WHFS in DC, stations around the country have found a similar fate. Y100 in Philly is gone. (Sadly, with less fanfare from YAB – our apologies)

Funeral arrangements have yet to be finalized, but it is likely that a wake will be held at RFK Stadium, as Z104 was the Radio home to the Washington Nationals. Now the Nats can be the home to funeral and burial. The station will be buried somewhere in right-center field, as the cavernous outfield has more than enough room for a grave. And besides, Alfonso Soriano’s not going to trip over it; he’s not playing the outfield.

Perhaps it’s the iPod that’s killed the modern rock station. Yes, but we’re just fine blaming 17th century composers."

Rest in Peace, Z104.