Big Top Travel

“I fell to the ground and heard a voice say to me, 'Saul! Saul! Why do you persecute me?” – Acts, Ch. 22:7

Ok, maybe it’s not persecution, but it’s at least general annoyance. A few weeks ago, I was exploring possible destinations for Katie and me as a post-grad school vacation. The options were numerous, and even though I still have much to do the semester, I used valuable writing time to leave no stone unturned for our future excursion. And having heard a co-worker’s story of their recent Caribbean cruise, I figured I might as well explore the possibility of stretching my sea legs rather than jamming them into my ribcage on a Boeing 757.

I’ve done the cruise thing before, and it was a pleasurable experience. Over spring break senior year, I joined 9 Monrovians on a jaunt through Key West, Cozumel, and enough free bread at dinner to create our own raft. Therefore, I threw “taking a cruise” onto the list of destinations. I even surfed the Carnival Cruise Lines webpage for possible itineraries, boat information, and date options. It seemed like a worthy choice, but I wasn’t ready to book on the spot, so I filled out a contact information form, and went on my way – back to monitoring my fantasy baseball pitchers.

This is where we meet Saul.

Saul Hernandez is a travel representative for Carnival Cruise Lines. His job is to make money for Carnival Cruise Lines by convincing those who left the webpage without booking a trip into coming back and charging their credit cards on that initial instinct. Carnival Cruise Lines has assigned Saul to be my personal travel representative. Saul makes sure that I haven’t forgotten about the Carnival. In other words –

I’m being stalked by a Carny.

In the wide world of amusement parks, the term “carny” is used to depict those who work under the big top. It’s not a favorable term, but then again, neither are their sales methods. Somehow, if you by chance end up at a carnival, you’ll end up dropping way more money that you planned to, and a carny’s goading is often the source of such financial fallout. And whether you’re a carny for Big Top Carnival or Carnival Cruise Lines, you’re probably annoying as all hell.

Let’s take two examples of carnies to make our point. First you have Josephus, the sketchy guy who tends the “Drill a milk bottle pyramid with a Softball” racket at the fair. Second you have Saul Hernandez, Chris Condon’s personal travel representative.

Josephus waives an overstuffed cute panda bear in your face, insisting that he can be yours if you can knock down the bottles with this here softball. Saul sends you an e-mail about a 1-Day ONLY Super Cruise Savers that can be yours if you book in the next 12 minutes.

After missing the milk bottles on a fluke toss, Josephus tells you that you can have two more throws for only 1 dollar – half price! Saul sends you another email the next day – and it strangely mirrors the 1-Day ONLY deal from the prior day.Seeing that you feel sheepish for missing the milk bottles (made out of concrete, you’re convinced), Josephus allows you three more throws for 2 bucks, AND you get to lean over the counter. Saul ramps up efforts by calling you on your cell phone, leaving messages since you don’t answer your phone during class.

40 bucks later, Josephus has sold you a 3 dollar panda bear, which will tear on the exit gate on your way to the car. 6 e-mails, 5 missed phone calls, and 3 voice mails later, you expose Saul Hernandez from Carnival Cruise Lines for the annoying sneak that he is.

A Carny.