Incendiary Network Security

Being part of a large corporation, I understand that a firm must take initiatives in order to protect its own interests and investments. For example, with employees in the tens of thousands and locations all over the world, a firm in the information and consulting business relies on a vast IT infrastructure that must both protect information and also prevent external threats from doing damage to it. I understand this; for the amount of money it takes to network all your employees via the information superhighway, just think of the number of DVDs Chris Smith could buy.

Hell, he may even reach Wing Commander on his list.

Nah…

The main thing my current network prevents me from doing is get to e-mail resources on the web. Yahoo and GMail are off-limits. I’m able to set up forwarding accounts to my actual e-mail for some, but others are off-limits until I get home, for fear that some employee somewhere will destroy the servers with a misguided forwarded virus. And now that I’m graduated, I may have to come up with something new, since I have no idea how long the GW address will be mine. (However, the $80 cap and gown I now have forever. At least I can be Harry Potter anytime I want.)

Since bouncers are hard to replicate into an electronic form to decide what information gets in and out of a network, techies had to invent something else to man the velvet rope.

Enter the firewall.

Is there any computing term out there scarier than the word ‘firewall?” Never mind its function, the name itself should send shivers into the spine of any potential hacker, evildoer, or inept administrative assistant. It’s a wall constructed entirely of a single natural element.

FIRE.

Somewhere in your system, probably in a rarely-entered server room in the basement, the main computers are blocked by a ten-foot high monolith of flame and heat. NOW do you want to invade encrypted cyberspace? I didn’t think so.

I don’t know who came up with protecting computer networks with such an incendiary measure. However, I do know that the sheer mention of a firewall is enough to keep me away from trying to hack a system. How would one find a way to defeat a firewall. Fire is not a solid property. You could (with a running start) probably run through a firewall. But consider this – you won’t get through unscathed, probably leaving you with some nasty burns that will make you think twice before you do it again. Additionally, the bigger the company, the more likely their firewall is an opaque shield of flame. What happens if you successfully run through, only to find that the server rack is inches behind the firewall? You’ll knock yourself unconscious with the collision, and probably end up falling backwards into the wall, which I don’t need to remind you, is composed entirely of FIRE.

In the real world, we have firefighters to combat fire. You can’t rely on the same public service in the digital world. They use water to douse the flames. And as anyone who has spilled water on their keyboard unexpectedly at work can attest, computers and H20 do not mix.

This is why I’m scared of firewalls.