Truth! Beauty! Freedom! BANJO INFUSION!

YABNews was first on the scene the last time an Academy Award winning actress from Cold Mountain married a country music musician. So in another round of Deja-Vu, we are astounded to report that somehow this has happened…again.

While Kenny Chesney and Renee eat something Zellweger have ridden the sexy tractor to Splitsville, that doesn’t mean that the world of Hollywood stars can’t mix with steel guitars. Nicole Kidman has dropped word that she is now engaged to fellow Australian Keith Urban. Kidman has made a career of grabbing the Oscar-nom roles, while putting out a likeable, light comedy for the summer popcorn crowd. Urban has made his career by writing and playing upbeat country tunes with banjo infusion.

(Wow. Banjo Infusion. I don’t really know what it means, but it sounds like it should be cool. Imagine being in a boring sales meeting with boring pie charts and boring graphs, and then someone suggests that what this meeting need is BANJO INFUSION. You’re excited, and you don’t know why, right? That’s the power of words. Ok, back to YABNews.)

Aussie-roots aside, this engagement did not happen as Nicole and Keith explain it to be. Much like when Kenny Chesney auditioned for a part in Jerry Maguire (only to lose out to Nicole’s ex Tom Cruise), it appears that a busted audition and a long-lost script from 2001 explains where Urban and Kidman met. In the tradition of YABNews making up stuff that you can’t prove, we provide an excerpt of an early draft script of Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge. This fateful script recalls the two lovebirds first meeting – in the elephant dressing room of Kidman’s Satine.

Satine: This is a wonderful place for a poetry reading, don’t you think? Hmmm…poetic enough for you?
Christian: Yes…is this where the blacktop ends?
Satine: A little supper? Maybe some champagne?
Christian: Oh, I don’t know, my songs are poetry but they’re not about drinking – leave that to Chesney or Toby Keith. Anyway, I’ll pass, I’d rather just, umm, get it done and over with.
Satine: Oh... very well... then why don't you come down here and let's get it over and done with?
Christian: Ok, if you’re ready for some smokin’ BANJO INFUSION?
Satine: I just felt a chill. Wow, there’s something about that phrase.
Christian: I know. It really just means I’ll be playing a banjo but –
Satine: Hey, whatever you want to call it. You’re the poet.Christian: I’m a singer. Who wouldn’t want to be me?Satine: Oh…big boy!
Christian: I think you have the wrong idea about this.
Satine: But Christian, do you not want me?Christian: Lady, it’s Keith. My name is Keith.
Satine: Dude, is that an…Australian accent I detect?
Christian: Yes. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but mine is a koala. His name is KOALA INFUSION.
Satine: (singing) It's a little bit funny, this f-feeling in-inside. I'm not one of those who can-who can easily hide.
Keith/Christian: And Days Go By! I can feel 'em flying, Like a hand out the window in the wind the cars go by, it's all we've been given so you better start livin' right now, 'cause days go by.