Screw Going to Disney World.

When the topic river runs dry, it’s much easier to skip two consecutive days of blogging in the name of finishing grad school. However, when you don’t have the time to blog, that’s when all the good, flesh-out comedic ideas start flowing. And as much as you’d really like to stop doing break-even analyses and Lexis-Nexis fact trolling* to please the public, you resort to writing down funny ideas on a Post-it. And hoping you remember to bring it to work to start hammering away at the backlog to end of backlogs.

Let’s get it started, shall we?

Today’s first post comes courtesy of my father. Upon speaking with him not twenty minutes ago, I confirmed the fact that I have officially finished all my graded requirements of this semester, and barring a grading meltdown in which one of my professors starts assigning random keyboard symbols for grades, I shall graduate, for I am done with my MBA. (To be honest, I would find it hilarious if I got a &- on my business plan. Though I really deserved an @.) Yep, all 20 courses are in the books. And the books are in a box. And the box is in a closet. And the closet has been closed. Forever.

Or until we have to move at the end of June.

Now I talk to the talented “Mr. C” once a day, except when he phones it in and goes golfing “on business.” (Nordberg just fainted at such a thought.) He hears in my voice when I’m tired of grad school, and has a pretty good grip on how much work it took in less than 2 years. No doubt, the completion of my final paper yesterday came as welcome news to the Condon the Elder. He wanted nothing more to offer a few words of congratulatory encouragement to mark such an occasion. After carefully deciding on what phrase to proclaim on this momentous occasion, he paused, thought, and offered,

"Have a donut!"

(At this point, I’m almost sure this guy should be Nordberg’s father.) But then I thought a bit more as to what a custom this would be, if any moment of victory, joy, and accomplishment were marked with the consumption of a solitary glorious breakfast pastry such as the donut. Would that be so bad? Take the world of athletics, for example. Championship-winning athletes have spent months of training and competing where their bodies in the best shape possible. (Unless you’re name is Daly, John.) Don’t you think that after winning the big games they’d want nothing more than to chomp into a nice Boston crème? (Especially with the recent rash of Massachusetts-based winners?)

What about Nobel Prize winners? You know what they get for their life’s work? A trip to Norway to pick up a lousy medal and 1.3 million dollars. Well, that’s about how much a trip to Norway costs, and you’ve got overdue books at the research library, no doubt, so kiss the money goodbye. And last time I checked, the Norse people don’t have a breakfast delicacy to call their own – so why not a donut? The English? Muffins. The Belgians? Waffles. The French? Toast. The Swiss? Rolls. The Turkish? Delight. The Russians? Vodka Crullers. The Danish? Eh, Danish. What you got, Norway? Viking Pies?

Thanks, Dad. I’ll have that donut.

*- Fact trolling in Lexis Nexis, or any other academic journal database for that matter, does not harm trolls in any way. YAB is not pro-troll, but we can’t harm them in the name of some stupid paper on defense transformation, can we? Plus, trolls haven’t done anything to make this paper more difficult to write, and since gnomes are the beloved people of the short-person world (i.e. Tomsland), haven’t they suffered enough.**

**- How did I just turn into a troll apologist? I’m getting soft in my old age.