Park This, Hyundai.

Regardless of who’s playing, professional football is most likely the most bankable program on television to guarantee ratings. People watch football not necessarily because of an allegiance to one team or the other, but rather that the sports translates well to television and with so much parity in the league, most games stay close until the end of the game. (Note: We know that this is the idealist reason for why someone would spend their Sunday afternoon watching a tile between the Seahawks and Lions, when in reality, it’s for the fantasy implications. But hey, it sounded nice.)

With such a quality product on the air, NFL Sundays are a great time for a company to unveil its latest product with an attention-grabbing ad that will have people talking about it the next day. Hyundai, currently South Korea’s largest automaker (eat it, Daewoo), have recently attempted to re-energize the Sonata, their mid-size sedan since 1988. And while a huge Family Car in Canada, American sales have been sluggish. So following the “Ooh, Shiny!” principles that have powered the Motorola Razor phone and flat-panel plasma TVs, the following new features have been added:

• A glove compartment that has a refrigerated section that will cool up to 4 20 oz. bottles. (Don't drink and drive.)
• Illuminated neon cup holders
• A detachable dome light that can be taken out of the car (either to use as a flashlight or so thieves can’t get away with your, um, dome light.)
  

Now how does Condon know about these great features? Because of Hyundai’s ability to seize the market by advertising during NFL football. I don’t exactly how useful the dome light thing or the cup holders are (it’s a beverage, not a disco, people), but I think the cooler glove box is a great idea. Rather than having my Gatorade roll around on the ground by my feet on road trips, I could keep it icy cold and in close quarters with my registration and insurance information! Brilliant.

(Of course, I would have to buy a Hyundai Sonata, and that’s not happening.)

So, certainly, Hyundai would be THE talk of the water cooler on Monday right? I know I was going to mention it to my co-workers. Content with this find, I sat back and enjoyed the rest of the game. After McNabb pulled the Eagles within 6, the game went back to commercials. And then it hit.

Hello, Lexus.

What positive ad momentum Hyundai had built with its 3 or 4 Sonata spots was obliterated by one commercial from Lexus, the Japanese luxury vehicle king. What edge did Lexus have over the new and mighty Sonata? Black light dome lights? No. Self-pouring cup holders? Uh uh. A working Foreman Grill in the glove compartment? Nice idea, but again, nay.

The car can park itself.

And we’re not talking it can pull into your driveway without your help. We’re talking PARALLEL PARKING. This is why most 16 year-olds fail driving tests, and Lexus has made it obsolete (assuming Daddy’s rich enough to buy the kid a Lexus). Now, I’ve never had to park between two Champagne Glass Pyramids before, but I gotta imagine it’s slightly nerve-racking. (Hell, I get nervous emptying the dishwasher.) But you’ll need a Lexus to do it.

If they throw in a Trunk Monkey, I’ll buy one right now.

No ones going to steal this car for the dome light.