YAWN.

Now if YAB were a video-blog, where you could witness cool things such as “Condon typing today’s post” and “Condon throwing things at the camera when Blogger decides to replace today’s post with a 404 Error,” then that aforementioned “Yawn” may have triggered you to yawn, too. But instead, the power of the Yawn in literary form only is limited; after all, you can’t possibly think that everything you write will be followed blindly and treated as fact, right?

(Excuse us, Mr. King, we’re looking in your direction.)

But seriously, the minute we opened up Microsoft Word today and put our digits on the keyboard, a yawn ensued. Now we’re not quite sure why, either. We’ve been getting plenty of sleep in comfortable beds, and I’m pretty sure there was a conference call yesterday we snoozed through as well. I did get up earlier than usual this morning, hoping to make said adjustment a productive habit, but Yawn? Really? What purpose do you serve?

After doing some research (ok, we Wiki’ed it), it turns out that Yawning is a mystery to even the science world. Some think we have it as a reflex that regulates our body temperature. Others would prefer to regard yawning as a measure to increase oxygen levels in the blood. There’s even a group that just calls it the body’s way of involuntary stretching. Funny – I don’t recall being a “Sit and Yawn” champion in high school gym. (High school English class, on the other hand…)

Wiki goes on to report that certain breeds of penguins (which I’ve heard have knees) use yawning as part of their mating ritual. This clearly does and cannot translate over to the human species. Otherwise, there’d be a lot more “Where did you newlyweds meet?” questions that would be answered with “oh, we met at a screening of Russian Ark.” Maybe if that flick had had some yawning penguins in it…

But the biggest mystery of all concerning the mysticism of Yawning is the contagiousness such an internal reflex can have on those in close proximity. It doesn’t matter if you see someone yawn and tell yourself you can hold off – Yawning is an unstoppable force, and there’s no containing the urge. The instance you stop paying attention to that inner desire, the yawn shall conquer and win. It’s a copycat syndrome. Fortunately, yawning does not pose any major ill-effects, despite the fact there’s a superstitious belief that the Greeks thought a yawn was one’s soul trying to escape. (Remember, the Greeks made this the mascot of the ’04 Olympiad. I wouldn’t put much stock in their teachings. Sorry, So-Crates.)

Well, since no one seems to be able to put a definitive reason on this issue, YAB might as well take a stab at it. And our explanation? Let’s get biblical, people.

(This explanation assumes that the human race was created by God. In addition, it also assumes that God has a tremendous sense of humor. This is a good thing, as we’d prefer to continue bringing you the funny without worrying if there’s a smiting in our not-to-distant future.)

As it was God who created the human race, it is God who has the ability to change and alter that physiological make-up of our genetics. It’s also good to know that God is on the good shoulder – otherwise, we could all end up with a third arm coming out of the top of our heads just because the Man Upstairs stubbed his toe getting out of bed.) Anyways, despite God being a highly skilled craftsmen, He often seeks out opportunity for a good joke – and is willing to alter mankind in the process.

Now what of God’s son? In His latter years, His following grew on account of his teachings and inane ability to whip up a miracle at the most opportune moment. He was no doubt a man that put his followers in complete awe, and because of His abilities, those who sought his wisdom no doubt emulated His ways.

Now one day, Jesus was ready to pack it in, perhaps sit by the camp fire with the Apostles, after a long day of healing and preaching. Walking through the sands of Israel with a pair of sandals and Pharisees blocking your way can be exhausting. No doubt after their nightly feast (by which He no doubt had Peter and John get some roasting sticks while he turned one marshmallow into a hundred for s’mores), Jesus yawned – for the first time in recorded existence. Assuming it was a sign of piety, His followers followed suit.

Looking down on His Son, the Shepherd, and His friends’ sheep-like obedience, it was then when God decided alter genetics to make His Creation susceptible to contagious yawning. Why? Because God brings the funny. The End.