Second Fiddle Once Again

Ok, so last Monday we promised 15 posts by the end of this Sunday, and let’s look at the big board to see where our total currently stands…one…two…

Four. (You have the eyes of a hawk, JP.)

Ok, I guess I have some typing to do. Now as you know well by now, I’ve spent the last two weeks in a funnybringing malaise on account of a certain supervisor being on a certain honeymoon in a certain boot-shaped country. (No, not Bootbekistan.) It’s cut down on the time to blog, as well as the time to come up with idea on what to blog about. I kid you not, I almost spent 650 words last week on why our multi-function photocopier owes me a sandwich.

Eeesh.

But, it’s now Monday, and all has returned to normal in the Land of Condon. This morning I woke up feeling refreshed, knowing that today is the day I hand the department back up to my boss, who on the other hand, is probably ruing the day more than any day ever has been rued. Yep, it’s his show once again, and the first hour of my day will most likely consist of a meeting to bring him up to speed. And since he’s probably got eleventy billion e-mails in his inbox, the speed to said up to speed meeting will be “warp.”

Here’s the thing about being in charge for two weeks while your supervisor is out-of-pocket. Everything can go brilliantly, thanks to your hard work, intellect, and dedication to making sure your department doesn’t go Northwestern Choke on everybody. And more than likely, you’ve stepped into his shoes and reported directly to your superior’s superior, (or uberperior, I believe,) and executed so flawlessly that commendations are no doubt flowing from on high. So much can transpire in a fortnight (there’s that word again) that you now have to include in the “Up to Speed” status check meeting that there’s no doubt you’ll forget some things. And your boss will never truly understand the lengths you went to in order to get the job done. After all, he was sampling Bootbekian rigatoni halfway around the globe. So here’s your one shot to toot your own horn.

(which by the way is a stupid cliché, and we’re sorry we actually used it. Who else’s horn would one potentially toot? C’mon. It’s flu season, people.)

Here are some tips as to how to go into an Up to Speed Meeting.

• Make a detailed list of everything you do while he’s out of the office. That way, you can completely relay all that went on without missing anything that was 1)important or 2)impressive that you handled on your own.
• Acknowledge that no one actually remembers to do the previous detailed list, and quickly sketch your job tasks on a napkin/Post-It/your hand. Make things that are exceedingly hard sound time-consuming, but easy.
• Name drop. Like crazy. After all, you just spent two weeks dealing with people that your boss doesn’t enjoy dealing with. By doing so, you saved him some sanity, showed some face time with the big wigs, and got the job done.
• Assure him you didn’t actually refer to anyone as a “big wig” to their face while he was gone. Even if that person has a comically massive amount of hair.
• Throw in stuff that didn’t happen, preferably from movies or TV shows you recently watched. “Oh, and last Tuesday, while finishing up fiscal year planning, a bunch of chickens tried to escape from our Reston facility because the facility manager suggested for additional revenue we turn them into pies. Don’t worry, though, I called an all-hands meeting, and mediated the two sides into agreeing to co-exist peacefully.”
  

Ok, one down. Now about that sandwich, Mr. Xerox…