You Can't Leave Your Sticks Behind

When I went with my family to Walt Disney World in 1996, it was my first visit to the third branch of the theme park megalopolis, known as Disney-MGM Studios. While I remember little from the specific visit, I do recall going on the brand-new Twilight Zone Tower of Terror ride. This is where Disney is at their absolute best. Through careful décor and ambience design, they lull you into another world, in this case an old abandoned Hollywood hotel. It’s all well and good, you’re being lulled in with comfort and awe, where they clearly spent some decent coin to keep you interested, and then?

Freefall.

10 years later, the Philadelphia Flyers have allowed their season to take a track not unlike that of the Disney ride that has since been reproduced in California and Tokyo. As fans, we paid the price of admission by coming back after a lockout, that for better or worse actually had to take place. We were there waiting in line at the beginning of this season’s ride, looking around and enjoying the ambience and décor of the 2006 version of the Orange and Black.

So rather than getting the season off on a good foot, they’ve gone on to lose 7 of their first 8 games. Three veterans have since been sent to the minors (including Petr Nedved, a career 300 goal scorer), and there’s probably nothing quite like the feeling of being put up in fancy hotels in Tampa Bay and Boston and New York, only to be now taking the bus to games in Albany, Bridgeport, and Worcester. And in the 3 veterans’ place? The Flyers called up three rookies that have a combined 38 games of professional experience.

Note: the oldest of the three, Stefan Ruzicka was 4 years old when Nedved joined the NHL.

And as to further shake things up, the Flyers fired Head Coach Ken Hitchcock and the General Manager, Bobby Clarke, resigned this past Sunday morning. Now on my usual Sunday morning, I get up, maybe have a bagel, go to church – it’s a pretty laid back affair. In Philly, people lose their jobs on Sunday mornings.

(But I’m sure if they wanted a bagel for the road, they could have one.)

Now in the interim, it seems that management might actually have some decent plans to turn this organization around. John Stevens has been hired to be the head coach, promoted from assistant coach. Stevens recently led the Phantoms (the Flyers’ minor league org.) to the Calder Cup, and with so many of those guys on the roster, this might be a stellar choice.

(The new coach is of no relation to former One Accordian John Stephens, although his ability to wreak havoc during rehearsals may come in handy in the locker room.)

But we here at YAB have a even better idea for the Philadelphia Flyers…

HIRE JOE BRESCIA.

Why not? Not only is he a fan, but if he led them to a Stanley Cup in his first season after never actually playing/coaching/being near professional ice hockey, Disney would HAVE to make a movie about it. And then we get to hire people like Chris Condon as the Casting Director, whereby he casts someone like Wilmer Valderrama to play Joe Brescia in the movie, thereby getting ultimate revenge for the time Joe sweep kicked him during a hockey fight in 1998.

Yeah, so I hold grudges.

But aside from the immediate cinematic tie-in, Brescia would no doubt be good for the Flyers. Consider this – with such a young team, most of the Flyers would actually look UP to him as a big brother and a mentor. According to our records, Daytona’s older than Randy Jones, Ruzicka, Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, R.J. Umberger, Picard, Freddy Meyer, Lars Jonsson, Antero Niittymaki, Joni Pitkanen, and Eager. Plus, he may actually be bigger than Sami Kapanen (assuming Brescia’s wearing skates and Sami is not.)

Joe Brescia is the living embodiment of the smaller, quicker NHL.