Sonic Deathmonkey

This comes from YABNews's Austrian correspondent, Mattias Caro.

Monkeys at Hindu Temple Attack Children

GAUHATI, India (AP) - Monkeys lurking at an ancient Hindu temple in India's northeast have attacked up to 300 children over three weeks, temple officials said Tuesday.

`They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting children loitering about in the temple premises or walking by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood,'' a priest at the Kamakhya temple in Assam state, told YABNews. The temple, one of the most famous in India, is located in Gauhati, Assam's capital.

`I was returning home from school when a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground,'' said Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl. At least 2,000 rhesus monkeys roam in and around the temple, but none had shown aggressive behavior in the past, the priest said.

Monkeys are often found in tens of thousands of temples across India. They are seen as a symbol of Hanuman, the mythical monkey god, and devotees visiting temples often feed them. While occasional attacks by monkeys are not uncommon at temples, the sudden surge in attacks at the Gauhati temple has experts perplexed.

The loss of habitat due to increased human settlement in the hills around the temple and the release of monkeys kept confined at home ... could be among the reasons for some of the monkeys behaving in a weird manner,'' said Narayan Mahanta, a wildlife official in Gauhati.

Three monkeys were randomly tranquilized by wildlife officials over the weekend and have been taken to the Gauhati Zoo where they will be examined in search of clues to explain the changing behavior, Mahanta said.

Hmm...good find Caro, but I have some thoughts. It's like what they tell the people on ESPN's Dream Job. Reporting for reporting's sake is nice, but there are deeper stories within. It's the editorializing that keeps the reader's attention, no?

With that said, here are some Random Condon Thoughts:

• Can monkeys lurk? Lurk means "to sneak, exist unsuspected." It does not mean "flail wildly with gangly arms, swing from tree to tree, and scream like a banshee." Something doesn't seem right here.
• Apparently, the monkeys prey on the children who choose to "loiter about" in the temple. Really, I feel bad that you just got served by a monkey, but you should have known better. Hindu Law states, "Cut out the loit'rin', and get with the prayin'."
• Jolly Sharma? No, dear, you don't have a name that attracts bullies. Don't worry.
• "experts are perplexed." Experts in what, exactly? Monkeys? Temples? Monkey-temples? Senseless rage studies? I've just decided. I'm an expert, and I, too, am perplexed.
• Ohhhhh, so it's because of the release of monkeys kept at home....that makes absolute, complete - Wait. No, it doesn't. Domesticated monkeys should know better.
• Three monkeys were randomly tranq-ed, huh? Okay guys, if the passed-out, drugged monkeys attack anyone, let me know.

More as this story develops.