Detroit, Michigan can stake claim to a lot of things. They have the most unique hockey celebration. They produce cars faster than Alfie disappeared from theaters. They get to host a Thanksgiving football game every year (Good news - national coverage! Bad news - against Peyton Manning!). Lots of special distinctions for the motor city. Well, leave it to the Garden State to start trimming that list down for the holiday season. If anyone is shopping for Detroit, they have a newly-vacant space in their trophy case at City Hall.
Number One? No longer.
Even with the Malice at the Palace happening over the weekend, D-Town was no match for the eventual victor in the race for Most Dangerous City 2004. A dubious achievement for the leader of the City Crime Rankings, this victor receives the "Golden Handcuffs" Award. Of course, the issuing agency hopes that rather than put them on display, the local law enforcement will actually USE them to make an arrest every now and then.
"I still can't believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot. I gotta send you up against the best. You two characters, are going to Crime One! For five weeks you'll be looting against the best delinquents in the world. Detroit was number one, you guys were number two. Detroit lost it, turned in his red wings. You guys are number one!"
Welcome, Camden, NewJersey.
Camden is about 25 minutes from Medford. Before I go into analyzing the committee's selection, let me give you some background on the City Near Brotherly Love. This city leads two lives. One is a noble life, attracting unsuspecting suburbanites (people, not cars) into its grip in order to provide said visitors with various forms of entertainment. The problem is, there's this other life that provides said visitors with fear and mayhem. Here are some examples:
- It's summer. The Fightin's are on a west coast road swing, and you're in dire need of some peanuts and/or crackerjacks. Unless you can convince the Aramark folks at Citizens Bank Park that there's baseball happening, your only option is in scenic Camden, New Jersey - home of the minor league River Sharks. Here are some lies you may encounter at your night at the old ball game. 1) There is such a thing as a River Shark. 2) Your vehicle is safely parked with no threat of being jacked.
- And since your trolling of the Delaware River turned up not one of the aforementioned sharks, you must satisfy the need for fish-watching. Fortunately, the New Jersey State Aquarium is nearby - in beautiful Camden, New Jersey. Some of the sites you may encounter: Sea urchin. Sea horse. Seaweed. Sea Cucumber. See that kid in the Iverson jersey run down the street with your wallet.
- Finally, the best venue for concerts in the Philly area is the Tweeter Center, which, in order to follow this blog's theme, is located in Camden, New Jersey. You've probably got one of these in your hometown. It's a big open-air amphitheater type place - seats under the roof, lawn, obviously, outside the roof. Overall, I've seen many a show at the Tweeter. This includes the Y100 Feztival, where I first found the Guster. But on the crime theme, this was also the venue where I went with Justin, Karen et al. to see a special sneak preview of Johnny Tsunami. And just like that, Camden, New Jersey stole my credibility.
3 comments:
Good idea, Mattias, but there is no way that NJ will draw enough money to take care of the national debt. Maybe Missouri - I hear people pay for all kinds of stuff in the Show-Me State.
Due to Mattias' recent threats against the Garden State, his hometown of Great Falls, Virginia, has been demoted to Mediocre Falls.
"The defense department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid."
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