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One of the first jobs I interviewed for when I got out of college was with AOL TimeWarner. This was when I still thought my future was in marketing. The job opening was with their TimeLife division. You know these guys. They are the ones who spend their lives creating obscure retrospective media collections, and selling them in neatly packaged box sets, videographies, and magazine collections. So if you want the Best of Three Dog Night or a glorified collection of ZooBooks, give TimeLife a call.

Anyways, the job was to buy TV airtime for advertising such wares. It would have been a great application of my undergraduate knowledge, but as the resumes fall, it was not meant to be. But, honestly, could you see me buying and selling ad space for a living? Billy Crystal did in City Slickers, and look what happened to him. He named a cow Norman. What a boring name. Had he had a different profession, he could have come up with something MUCH better.

So even though I don’t work in TV ad sales, and never will, I like to consider myself informed on that particular industry. The premise is simple. TV stations have shows. They spend money to acquire the shows. They get money to buy the shows by selling some of their airtime to advertising. The more popular the show, the more money they can ask for. And yet, networks lose money year after year due to a revenue shortage. If this was a Best Company Ever post, I may give them the key to fixing that. But no, not today.

As I walked out of that job interview in Old Town Alexandria, I couldn’t help but notice another office building across the way. It was the PBS building (and no doubt was paid for by Viewers Like You.) PBS is the exactly the type of network TimeLife could buy ad space on which to show infomercials. In fact, I bet they probably work hand in hand over a pizza at Quattro Formaggi down the street.

But here’s the tricky thing about ad space on PBS: there isn’t any. Most of their programming runs commercial-free, which means they have an operating budget that has little revenue. Companies everywhere – denied! No space to be bought here. I suppose you could sponsor full-length programming, but then you would have to be one of two things: a LETTER or NUMBER.

What a racket.

As long as I can remember, letters of the alphabet have joint-sponsored episodes of PBS’ flagship Sesame Street with various single digit numbers. Doesn’t this seem a little fishy to anyone else? Here’s some problems with this business operating plan.

- The Letters and the Numbers must have incriminating photographs of Muppets robbing a bank, because this is a completely one-sided marketing deal. On one side, PBS gets the money to run and produce their television program. On the other, much more lopsided end, letters and numbers get blatant product placement. A large portion of the show is devoted to talking up the sponsors of the day, whether it be in character dialogue, songs, skits, or educational cartoons. My guess is that about half of each episode is dedicated to such ridiculous promotion. Only NASCAR sponsors get this much airtime. I’m appalled.

- Where exactly do Letters and Numbers get this kind of cash to be sponsoring children’s programming?? The are parts of the English language and mathematical system, not free-wheeling, spend-happy companies. I understand that Letter K makes some money through cereal, Letter O has gotten into rum, and Letter X still makes some residuals from starring on Family Feud, but surely this isn’t enough dough to produce Sesame Street! There’s some backroom accounting going on hear, I just know it.

- Why can’t other companies spend some money on America’s kids and sponsor a show? Why only the Letters and the Numbers? They’ve got a monopoly here, and Uncle Pennybags is rolling over in his graves (he’s buried in Marvin Gardens, by the way.) Just wait until the SEC reads my blog.

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