Patriotic Monoblogging

It is your American right to leave early on the Friday before a three day weekend. I don’t care what your boss says. If it’s four o’clock, and you are still stuck in your chair processing, analyzing, or doing whatever it is that you actually do, you can tell Bossy McBossington that YAB has given you the green light to call it a day. It’s not like you get a whole lot done on days like this. At least you are using your time for good and for awesome by partaking in patriotic blog reading. God Bless America.

This holiday weekend comes on an occasion for which we can think our forefathers. The 4th of July was simply July 4th, until Thomas Jefferson got a hankering to write and penned a declaration of some sort. Imagine blogging if we were still victims of British occupation here in the colonies. I would be required to included trendy Brit phrases like “Right Oh!” and “Bloody Hell.” And that’s not how we roll.

4th of July has become a time for blockbuster movies to rise and shine. This year is no exception with War of the Worlds landing in theaters just in time to take the focus of Tom Cruise’s dizzy descent into insanity. As always, YAB caught this story WAY before the press junket ever happened. Recent yearly offerings for this holiday have included I Robot, Terminator 3, Men in Black 1 and 2, A.I., The Perfect Storm, Armageddon, and sadly, Wild Wild West. But before all of this came…

Independence Day.

Yes, it’s a Will Smith vehicle, and yes, he’s the king of this weekend. (someone has to be since we revolted on the King of England.) But today I pull from this overall solid action flick one of the more memorable monologues in the last ten years of film.

Note: Memorable does not always mean good.

Just before the final attack on the aliens, our President steps out of the Nevada jet hangar to address his brothers in combat. Played by Bill Pullman, the Prez just happens to have the fighter jet background to lead the ragtag squadron of Air Force, cargo pilots, and Randy Quaid against a menacing enemy. It would take a heroic effort to defeat the aliens and a killer address to move the plot. Today, to commemorate America’s freedom, we here at YAB mock that address.

Good morning. (Good start, Pullman. Remind them that it’s 5 AM and they could still be in bed.)

In less than one hour planes from here and all around the world will launch the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind... (Taking the time zones into account, that means somewhere in Australia they will be flying in the dark. Sorry, Aussies, bad timing.)

(This is where Pullman pauses and reflects. Like he just remember we he left his keys to the Presidential racquetball court. Classic.)

Mankind. The word has new meaning for all of us now. We are reminded not of our petty differences but of our common interests. (Like how we can’t tell Bill Pullman from Bill Paxton)

Perhaps it's fate that today, July the Fourth, we will once again fight for our freedom. (Or convenient screenwriting) Not from tyranny, persecution or oppression. But from annihilation. (He gives his “I’m as cool as Will Smith, right?” face here.)

We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. From this day on, the fourth day of July will no longer be remembered as an American holiday but as the day that all of mankind declared we will not go quietly into the night. (Awkward pause) We will not vanish without a fight. (Awkward Pause #2, coupled with Awkward rhyming in a monologue.) We will live on. We will survive.

This is where the monologue, as written in the script ends. Which means that the “Today we celebrate our INDEPENDENCE DAY!” line was an ad-lib on the set. Wow. Just wow. Can you imagine ad-libs in other movies that invoke the title in hopes the audience will cheer??? I can just see it now.

Tom Cruise: It appears that the aliens have been planning this invasion for a million years. And here we are, ready to fight for our planet, for our families, and for our lives. What we have on our hands, my fellow humans, is a war. A war – of the Worlds!

Happy 4th, non-alien types.