Sara Throckmorton, Do NOT Read.

It’s always better to hear it from a friend.

With the tragedy in London, Hurricane Dennis, and continuing coverage of the missing girl in Aruba last week, last week was not a pleasant one at the news desk. All three of the aforementioned has done permanent damage to human life, and YAB’s thoughts and prayers are with the victims. We are not of the mindset to be able to report on these developing stories, as we aim not to mock that of which is serious. Bringing the funny isn’t necessary there. However…

Late Friday night, one more news story that has left some saddened appeared. Someone over at the Associated Press apparently decided to blow off Friday happy hour and work late into the weekend, as the following hit YAB’s news wire just before 10 o’clock.

Read this.

For those too lazy to point AND click at the above link, here’s the skinny. Just outside Istanbul, Turkey, a wayward sheep, either as a measure of stupidity or depression, took his own life by turning his body towards a several story cliff and promptly walked right off, falling to his untimely death. Normally, one less sheep, no one would know the difference. Except, 1,499 of his closest friends saw what this loner did and followed suit. While 1,050 survived, (due to the ever-decreasing distance between the cliff and the landing pad), 450 sheep have now taken their final walk caused by the stupid action of just one.

It’s a shame none of them were Serta sheep. Talking sheep could have avoided such a massacre.

Yes, from this story it is clear that the Associated Press has set out to make the following point: Sheep are dumb. I’m sure there are science-types out there who can vouch for their slow-functioning brain waves or their predilection to run into fences, but this is what the AP wants you to believe. Regardless of the science, it’s pretty clear that if you’re diffusing a bomb and the clock is counting down, you don’t want a sheep at your right hand helping out.

But wait…The story also mentions the following: “The herd of 1,500 sheep were grazing while the shepherds went to breakfast.”

Granted, I don’t think that the shepherds spend their time on-duty yelling at sheep to rethink their lives and stay away from the cliff. However, we know the facts of the case. There was not one, but MULTIPLE shepherds on duty that fateful day in Turkey. And yet, against the best interest of the sheep, all shepherds broke for breakfast at the same time. What did they do, put their favorite sheep in charge? Look where that got them. Hope you enjoyed your Egg McMuffins, fellas.

I would love to be in the room when these shepherds have to go in for their annual performance reviews. Generally in performance reviews you try and focus the conversation on your achievements and skate by places you have come up short.

Managing Farmer: So Erdal and Nesim, I’ve been reviewing your past years’ performance, and for the most part you’ve performed quite well. The pasture shows no areas of overgrazing, you keep your shepherd staffs polished and strong, and your tunics are always crisply pressed and professional. I would even go so far as compliment you on your ability to count your sheep without falling asleep. That is not an easy task.

Erdal and Nesim: Thank you, sir.

Farmer: But I see on your record here that is says you allowed 1500 SHEEP TO WALK OFF A CLIFF. That’s going to be a bit of a problem. You see, here at Consheeptinople, we like our sheep to be alive. Many of yours are dead. This seems to be counter to our company’s values and mission statement. You leave me no other choice. You’re so fired.

Erdal (to Nesim): I told you it wasn’t time for a healthy breakfast!!