Cameraman's Lament

Yeah, I’m late to the game, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a late inning at-bat. Two weeks ago, Texas Rangers pitcher went Artest on a local Arlington, TX news cameraman and has been suspended for 20 games, appeal pending. Here’s a link for hard facts from a real reporter.

Everybody knows Kenny Rogers for different things. Some know him for his tremendously solid pitching career in the majors. Some know him for his previous career as a country music legend. And some of you know him for his delicious chicken. I’ve decided to combine all three in yet another grand re-write of a song that was probably better off in the first place.

(Ok, I forgot to combine the part about the delicious chicken. Read YAB over lunch, and have some then. There, problem solved.)

Cameraman’s Lament
A Parody of the Gambler
Music by Kenny Rogers
Words by Chris Condon

On a warm summer’s evenin’ in a ballpark in Texas,
I met up with the Rogers; he was stretching ‘fore the game.
He’s having quite the season, he sees Cy Young in the distance
A Ranger for the third time, and he’s still throwin’ flames.

He said, Chris, I’ve made a life out of clippin’ wings of Angels,
And tracking down the Tigers, game hunting Rays and Jays.
Out to dry the Sox I’m hangin’, where the color doesn’t matter.
When I come knockin’ I’ll greet the O’s and A’s with K’s.

So I picked up my own weapon, a news crew video camera.
Then I hit the power switch, on came a flashing light.
And K-Ro got deathly quiet, and his face gained an expression.
Said, if you’re gonna take my picture, Chris, first we’re gonna have to fight.

You got to know when to show’em, know when to throw’em
Know when to walk away or feed him the mic.
You never film a pitcher when he doesn’t like the camera.
There’ll be no time for duckin’ when he’s throwin’ strikes.

Now all reporters know that with jersey thirty-seven
Is knowin’ not to ask the guy anything during games.’cause Kenny doesn’t like you and though he seems a nice one,
He’s a wild man with the temper of the great Jesse James.

A true-blue Texas Ranger, he came in with that roundhouse,
Crushed my poor camera, and kicked it to the ground.
An image of Chuck Norris, the Rogers, he’s suspended.
But in his final pitch I found advice that I could keep.

You got to know when to show’em, know when to throw’em
Know when to walk away or feed him the mic.
You never film a pitcher when he doesn’t like the camera.
There’ll be no time for duckin’ when he’s throwin’ strikes.

You got to know when to show’em, know when to throw’em
Know when to walk away or feed him the mic.
You never film a pitcher when he doesn’t like the camera.
There’ll be no time for duckin’ when he’s throwin’ strikes.